Welcome To My Life

Hey there guys. So I’ve been absent the past couple of days because of personal things, so I thought it was time to update you all on my life. The past four posts have been letters so I thought it was time for a personal entry. Also, I know I said I’d be writing a letter every day for seven days, but I’ve decided to just write them at random from now on so you can expect a few letters popping up here and then.

Well, it’s Sunday today, and I have hardly anything to do so I thought I might work on some lyrics seeing as I’ve not really wrote lately. I’ll be writing a song with Hammy Havoc of Hordasken soon, I’m really excited about this. I’d say that Hammy is definitely one of my lyrical, I guess you could say, role models? He writes so honestly and I love it. So yehp pretty excited about that!

I spent last night with my friends Taylor, Claire, Jamie, Kirsten & Scott. We were out to see our towns Christmas lights get switched on. It was so good to just be ourselves and chill. We watched some fireworks, grabbed some food, but more importantly, laughed so much that it hurt. It’s days like that, that make me realise just how lucky I am to have the people that I do.

I have people that are always there no matter the time, just for a conversation about anything. They make it worthwhile and I love them for it. They have no idea just how amazing they are. And I’m not just talking about the people I spent last night with. I’m talk about every single person in my life. Even you that’s reading this. This could be your first visit to my blog, but you’re still a wonderful person. You took the time out of your own life to see what was going on in mine, and for that I’m thankful.

I know I’ve said this before, but it’s time for me to stop letting things get to me. I’m always down this time of year because my Gran is no longer with us. But I know exactly what she would say if she was here, she’d tell me to cheer up and smile because she was such a happy person. She was a breath of fresh air to anyone she met. I don’t think there was one human being on this planet that didn’t like my grandmother. She was so loving and caring. And I guess, I want to be just like her. She was my best friend, and she’s still the person I turn to when all hope has left me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, don’t let the bad outweigh the good in your life. There’s so many people that love you and the only thing they want is for you to be happy. Always remember that it could be so much worse. Sometimes life gives us something that we think is impossible, just to prove to us that we’re not as weak as we once thought. You’re stronger than you realise. How do I know? Well, you’re still breathing, and that’s an accomplishment in itself.

Thanks for reading and much love,
Chrisselle.

Remember, Remember The 5th Of November

November,  it’s the first month after British summer time ends. It’s the month that we set off fireworks in celebration of a man who tried to blow up the houses of parliament being murdered. It’s the month where a little bear called Pudsey raises money for kids that are in need. It’s the month where we have a minute silence to remember those that fought for us. But for me? For me November is a constant reminder of the month my Gran got diagnosed with a life threatening illness. It’s a reminder that life is short, and that anything you have can be taken away from you, just like that. It’s one of the hardest months for me. Yet, it’s one that I plan to make the most of.

There’s no-one that could ever possibly take my Grandmothers place. She was beautiful, inside and out and she was the most adorable woman I’ve ever met. Every weekend we would go and stay at her and my grandfathers place for the entire weekend and as soon as we arrived she would have a spread of sandwiches, biscuits, cakes etc. laid out for us. Not only that, she would have a lovely three course, homemade meal waiting in the oven to be served. She never let anyone go hungry. She was one of those lovely adorable old women that you see, y’know the ones that you know have a huge family that love her to pieces. My grandmother was my first ever best friend. She was my best friend until I was seven, which is when she sadly passed away after trying to fight off the horrible illness that is cancer. She was diagnosed in the November of 1998 and died shortly after. My mother and I stayed with her to help her out a little, and I’ll never forget that week or two that I spent with her. She ended up dying of a heart attack, minutes before it happened she told my grandfather to remember and call this person and that person, so she knew she was leaving us. She died in her living room, in me, my mother, and my grandfathers arms. It’s one of those things that I’ll never forget, and I can still see it clear as day in my mind.

Every November is hard for me, not only do I have this on my mind but I also have SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)  which means my mood is affected by the weather. So if my mood is all over the place recently, I’m sorry. But I honestly can’t help it. I’ve dealt with the same thing for twelve years now, it’s anything but easy. If I could be happy all the time, trust me I would be. And I know that that’s what my gran would want me to be, but sometimes it just isn’t possible.

Recently it’s been really hard. I’ve been doing what I usually do, taking it out on myself. I’ve been waking up and finding something new to hate about myself. Right now? It’s my legs, tummy and actually, it’s my entire body. Like, I want to wake up in a completely different body. I want to wake up as me, but in a body that I don’t feel sick when I look at. It sounds like every other girl out there, but you cannot fathom just how much I dislike my looks. Like just talking about it makes me want to sleep for a few weeks.

They say it gets easier. It doesn’t. You don’t forget the pain, instead? Instead you learn to deal with it. You learn to cope with the crushing feeling in your heart, the sinking feeling in your stomach. The feeling that you’re going to burst into tears at any moment. Yeah, it becomes part of your daily routine, and you manage to be happy, to smile, to laugh to enjoy life. But you never, ever forget how it feels to lose that someone who meant, and still does mean the world to you. I was seven years old, my gran was my world. I lost her.

If anything the thing that gets me through is her memory, and how happy she made everyday spent with her. And that’s the thing I live by now. Instead of just living, why don’t you make an impact. Make an impact in someone’s life. And you may be sitting there thinking “I’m nothing that spectacular, how can I make an impact in someone’s life without being extraordinary?” I’ll tell you how.

You can make  a huge impact in someone’s life just by being you. All you have to do is be the person that they love you for. A simple “How’re you?” can make someone’s day. Smiling at a stranger could make them have a positive outlook on a day that was heading downhill. You never know just how much of an impact something you say or do can have on someone else.

A simple few words can make or break someone’s day. A look, can make someone feel like a million dollars, or like the dirt on your shoe. It’s simple. Every single person to walk this earth has an impact on someone, make yours count.

Much love, and many thanks for reading.
Chrisselle.

Party Crasher, Panty Snatcher

I’ve been sitting looking at this blank ‘Add New Post’ screen for around half an hour now, in this time I’ve had a conversation with Hammy, watched the new P!nk video for Raise Your Glass and read the memorable quotes section on Friends’ IMDB page. But, do you wanna know something? I’ve been doing it all with a huge smile on my face.

I really do have the most amazing people in my life, and I know that everyone thinks that about the people they love, and they’re right to. The people that you love are all perfect for you in some way or another. I mean, maybe they make you smile when you feel like you could destroy something. Or maybe they’re completely honest with you even if they know that the truth is going to hurt a little. Or maybe, maybe they’re just always there and always know the exact right thing to say to make you feel better. The people I love? They do all of that and more. They save my life every day, and i love and thank them so much for it.

This is kind of just a really personal blog about my view on life. It probably won’t make an impact on yours, but hey, at least it’s giving you entertainment for five minutes, right? I don’t know what I’m going to say, and I don’t know if it will make any sense to you guys, but I guess. I’m happy, and I want the people that have read about all of my ups and downs to know about it!

Something I really have to do is thank you guys! The amount of hits I get each month never fails to surprise me. It baffles me that so many of you find my site interesting enough to come back again and again. But it also pleases me a ridiculous amount! I love each and every one of you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3

I spent Monday with my adorable baby niece Isla and it was just so lovely to be able to spend some one on one time with her. It amazes me how much she’s grown both mentally and physically in just six months.  It’s scary yet wonderful to think that one day down the line a little person just like her is going to depend completely on me and it’s father. What’s even scarier is that I’ll be completely responsible for a living, breathing being. That really does scare me  a little. But then, the wonderful totally outweighs the scary. I love how this is making me sound pregnant, I’m not pregnant, don’t worry. So anyway, next subject?

I saw a YouTube video last night by my friend, Devon. It was about how she wanted people to talk to her if they were upset, depressed, angry anything like that. So I guess, what I have to say is that, if you ever feel like you have no-one, even if we hardly speak, don’t hesitate to talk to me about what you’re going through. You never know, it might just help. You might feel like nothing but trust me, you’re someone’s world whether you know it or not. You’re saving someone’s life just by breathing, never think you’re not good enough.

I have a new site for you guys to check out too, it’s not another of mine, but it’s the blogging site of one of my best friends, Angela. So how about you all pop over to Pangela.Com and have a look? I love her writing and think that even though she’s still on her way to ‘becoming extraordinary’.. she’s always been extraordinary to me.

Also, Hordasken.Com is now online it’s getting changed almost daily, with updates and new sections. How about you go over there and make a profile on the social section? Let’s be friends! Hordasken’s single will be out shortly, in the meantime why not enjoy one of the old demos? Not Bulletproof. This music makes my soul happy, and I’m so proud of Hammy, he’s doing this all on his own, seriously so proud.

I don’t think that I have all that much more to say, and I know that this blog is pretty much pointless. But I just felt the need to write. I hope you all know and remember that you’re all beautiful and I hope you guys have a wonderful November! Remember if you’d like to help out with Children In Need, feel free to check out the previous blog entitled Show Your Spots, Let’s Raise Lots! Or you can simply email me at [email protected].

Much love, and many thanks for reading.
Chrisselle

All My Underdogs

Hi there, nice to meet you. My name is Chrisselle Seasaidh Mowatt. A lot of you may know me from Twitter, Facebook. We may have attended high school together, you could be a member of my family, one of my best friends or the boy that I’m hopelessly in love with. Either way, Hello and welcome to the most honest blog I’ve ever posted.

This one’s for all those kids out there who think the Forever Alone meme applies to their life. The kids that know all the answers in class, or the one’s that know none at all. The kids that get bullied during lunch, or the kids that sit at the back of the bus surrounded by no-one. The one’s that are put down every day because they aren’t skinny, or they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The kid that gets bullied because they love someone of the same sex. It’s for that person that gets bullied in the work place, the one who’s afraid to post pictures of themselves on social networks because of the fear of abuse. This blog? Yeah, it’s for all of you.

I know exactly how you feel. You think you’re ugly, fat, not good enough, not smart enough. Well, let me tell you something. You’re wrong. You’re absolutely beautiful, and if I could walk over and hug you and tell you these words until you believed me, I would.

You guys are the strongest people on this planet. You deal with so much, yet you’re still here. You’re still fighting. What would be the point in giving up now? I know you think that there’s no point but believe me there is. There’s that feeling you get when you see the people you love. The sound of the leaves crunching underneath your feet in the fall. The warmth of the sun on your back on a summer evening. The first snow fall of winter, and that first day of spring when the daffodils  begin to bloom. There’s the laughing until your tummy hurts, the smiling until your cheeks ache. The hugs from your friends. The absolute blissful happiness of being completely in love. You may not have experienced all of these yet, but trust me you will.

This whole Forever Alone bullshit that seems to have taken over the mind of every teenager out there is ridiculous. You do realise that relationships aren’t important right now, right? That they aren’t what your life should be based around. When I was growing up, I spent my early teen years having fun with friends, having sleepovers, going shopping and copying each others homework. Not obsessing over guys. Yeah, I had a few relationships at that age but it wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t the focus point of my life. So stop thinking you’re going to be forever alone, because for 1) You’re not even alone right now, look around you. Your friends love you. 2) There is life after high school.

I’m sorry if any of this sounds preachy or patronizing but seriously guys. Open those lovely eyes of yours there are so many people out there that love you just the way you are. No-one could ever be the person you are because even though you may not be perfect according to the media, or even society. You’re perfect to the people that love you. You’re perfect at being you. You’re loved for being you. You’re not loved for being just like everyone else. You’re loved for everything you have that they don’t.

I don’t even know each and every one of you but I can tell you this right now. You’re loved, you’re so loved. Yeah you may fight with your family every day. But they really do love you. You may not have a lot of friends but that doesn’t mean that the little that you do have loves you any less. Heck, I love you. You took your time out to read this, thank you.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, don’t let the media win. Be who you want to be. You don’t feel like wearing make-up? Don’t. You don’t want to be a size zero? Then don’t try to be. You were born an original, don’t die a copy. You’re saving someone’s life just by breathing, never ever forget. You’re the underdog, but really? You’re my kind of hero.

Much love,
Chrisselle.