My Darling, Who Knew?

So, if you follow my blog, or know me via Twitter or Facebook. You will know that I’ve been pretty all over the place this week due to the passing of a close friend of mine. I thought it was time to blog, and answer a few questions, as well as thank a lot of you for your support.

This has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I honestly wouldn’t have got through it without the people that I still have. Each one of them mean the world to me, and I know we’ll get through this together, how cn I be so sure? Because when we have each other we can get through anything.

I’ve been falling apart this week. But the people I love have been holding me together. I still have so many questions, but I’ll never have the answer to them, and those are the things that keep me awake at night, or I’ll see her in a dream and wake up in hope that it’s real. Even now, I’ll have those moments where I convince myself that it’s not true, that it must just be a misunderstanding, or some sort of sick joke. And then it’ll hit me, that this is realand that will tear me apart all over again.

The five stages of coping with death were described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her classic book On Death and Dying in 1969. These have been abbreviated into DABDA; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance. Going by Kübler-Ross’ theory, I’d say I’ve got a touch of each of them. This is probably the most confusing thing I’ve ever dealt with. It hurts too much to accept it, but then it hurts even more to pretend that it’s not going on.

I guess I just can’t believe that she’s gone. She was one of the best friends I ever had, she was so beautiful and talented. The world has lost an amazing human being.

I want to thank the people that have been there for me since this happened, and there’s been a lot of you. So to each and every single one of you; Thank you. Thank you for contirbuting to making me feel supported enough to carry on with this, to be able to live life the way I want to, but to be there when I feel like I’m falling apart.

Hammy, I want to thank you, so much. You’ve been a huge part of my life for nine months now and you’ve supported me through everything, the little and the huge. You’ve made it safe enough for me to breathe, and I love you.

Angela, you really are like a sister to me, and I love you. You know how to make me feel better, or how to distract my mind, but even better; You knowwhen to.

Jess, you mean the world to me. You always know when I’m fronting at being okay, and you know how to make me laugh enough that I feel better. I love you, so much.

There’s so many more of you to thank, but I want each of you to know that you know how to make a young girl happy, and to keep her here. I can’t thank you enough, all of you. Seriously.

I know this blog probably doesn’t make much sense, but it’s literally just coming straight from the heart. I didn’t even plan to blog today. So thank you for trying to make sense of it anyway.

I want every person reading this to look in a mirror and repeat after me; “I love you, you’re not alone. You touch the lives of thousands of people without realising it, and there’s no-one that could ever replace you.”

I know I’ve said it before, but I honestly do care about all of you. If any of you need to talk about anything, please don’t hesitate to get in touch, and I’ll do my best to help you. Don’t suffer in silence, just ask for help, no-one will judge you for it. You can find all of my social network links in the ‘Networks’ section of the site.

So before I go, remember, I love you, as does a lot of other people. You may feel like just one person to the world. But to just one person you could bethe world.

Many thanks for reading and much love,

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