Have Courage and Be Kind

My darling girl,

This week you’re going to turn four months old, and I’m already dumbfounded by where the time has gone.

Gone are the days of 3oz bottles and our Teen Mom 2 marathons at 1AM during a night feed, and gone are the days of your newborn cry. Instead that baby who was once so dependant has been replaced by a fiery, funny independent little girl with the best personality.

A little girl who wants so desperately to be able to sit up, to show anyone and everyone her feet that she’s recently discovered, to spend her life under her play gym instead of in your arms and loves nothing more than a raspberry being blown on her tummy.

The newborn cry has been replaced with new sounds depending on how you’re feeling. You have different cries for different needs, you have an angry shout and a beautiful giggle to match your beautiful smile.

The past four months have been a whirlwind and I’m left thinking “did I enjoy them enough?”, “Should we have cuddled more?”, “Should you want to be so independent already?” and the ever-present “am I doing it* correctly?”. *it being motherhood

We’re four months in to your precious life and that has had me thinking about all the wonderful things that lay before us. Your first steps, your first words, your first birthday… all of your firsts. Will time ever slow down or will I be left feeling exactly the same as I do now when I sit in your empty bedroom when you move out? Will I remember those night feeds as I do up your wedding dress? Will I always see the little fiery girl who lays beside me now?

Parents have numerous hopes for their children. Hopes of great educations and successful jobs. Hopes of love and friendships. Hopes of travel and adventure.

For you, Hallie, I hope two things. I hope that throughout your life you will always have courage and always be kind. If you’re able to do these two things, then the rest will come.

I wish for you to have the courage to pursue your dreams – whatever they may be, and that you have the ability to ignore those who doubt them. I hope you have the courage to take your life in the direction you wish, to share it with those you love and admire, and to enjoy every single moment of it. Have the courage to stand up for yourself against bullies, whatever guise they enter your life under. Have the courage to tell people no – unless it’s when you’re a toddler and the thing asked of you is to put on your shoes. In that case please just put on your shoes

Have the courage to live life to the fullest, and know that you will forever be loved unconditionally.

Be kind to everyone you meet, for you never know what someone is going through. Be kind to those who are unkind, as those are the ones who need kindness most. Be kind to your parents – old age doesn’t come itself, and again, those night feeds brought some wrinkles along with those precious memories. Be kind to your friends, they will love you regardless of the decisions you make.

Most importantly though, my darling girl, be kind to yourself. Know that you are valued, loved and adored. Know that you have changed lives in these short four months. Know that you deserve happiness and adventure. Know that you will make mistakes, but that everyone has and continues to do so too. Know that everyone who looks like they have it all together, could just be really great actors.

Take time to have a bath, take time to read, to watch that trashy TV show. Take time for you, make time for you and always, always, remember that your dad and I will be cheering you on. Always.

We got this, Stinker.

Three is the magic number.

X

This is No Miraculous Life

Hi. I’m Chrisselle Mowatt, a 21 year old girl from a town in Scotland. It’s not a special town, or anything like that; the homes here were made for the masses and we’re all ridiculously overcrowded as a town and there isn’t really a sense of community. It’s any modern suburbia, really. There’s teens who loiter everywhere, there’s graffiti on nearly every surface possible, there’s cigarette butts and chewing gum all over the pavements, but there’s something that Livingston has brought me; It’s brought me life.

When I first moved to Livingston I was a confused 11 year old who had been taken from the only town she’d ever known, where everyone knew each other and you could walk down the street and see at least five people that you knew, or the neighbours would pop round for a coffee and keeping your door locked was something that was only done at night. Ten years, two breakdowns, three relationships, countless friendships made and lost and here I am; a 21 year old girl, living life to the full and starting the path to having the two careers of my dreams.

How it happened, I’ll never know. Some people say hard work, others say talent, but I say luck and support from those who matter. I honestly don’t know where I would be right now if it wasn’t for any of them, they all mean the world to me and they all know who they are. Sometimes I think about how different my path would have been had I not moved to Livingston all those years ago, and it terrifies me.

Just the other week there I was given the chance to write for the local Livingston magazine; The Konect Directory and it made me realise that although I’ve never really felt like a Livingston resident in all senses of the word, I do have so many ties here that I would never change for the world. I have my best friends, my wonderful family and jobs that I love. Not only am I now writing for Konect, but I’ve also been given an apprenticeship at Livingston based photographic studio itsPhotographic and I couldn’t be more overjoyed at that. I get on with everyone I work with and I class each of them as a friend instead of a colleague.

My friends have managed to put up with my dreaming since I left highschool; first I was going to move to America and become a journalist, then I was going to be a fashion designer, then I was going to be a teacher, then I was going to be a nursery nurse and now I’m going to be a writer, author, photographer and save the world- Not too much pressure then , eh? I honestly don’t know how they do it, but they believe in me and hold my hand each step of the way. They celebrate the highs with me and help me fix they lows; they’re the best kind of people you could ever wish for in life and I just hope that they’re in mine for good.

My family are another bunch of people who have patience that only a family could have. I’ve been resisting their “Why not be a carer?” “What about college?” enquiries for six years now, and it’s finally starting to pay off. The thing that is most rewarding though isn’t finally getting my dream jobs, it is seeing my parents proud of me and excited for my future; that’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my life was to make my parents proud and as long as I’m doing that then I’ll be happy.

Another, extremely special person that has the patience of a saint is my wonderful partner Anthony. He’s been there for me through some of the hardest times of my life, and yet somehow he’s  still here. He manages to deal with me better than even I do. He knows how to make me laugh when I feel like crying and he knows just what to say when I need that extra push of motivation to get something done. He keeps telling me that he’s proud of me, but here’s the truth; I’m proud of him. I’m proud to be able to call such a wonderful human being my partner and I cannot wait for what the future holds for us. I can’t thank him enough for all that he does for me, or for just how much he supports me. He’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met, and that will never change.

I guess you could say that life is pretty perfect right now, well, as perfect as it can be for a depression and anxiety sufferer; I have my bad days, but so does everyone and right now there is a lot less bad days than there is good. I’m taking my meds, I’m sleeping more than I used to and I’m talking to people when I need to instead of letting everything build up like I used to. Life is great, and I finally feel like I’m getting somewhere instead of being stuck in a dead-end town with no prospects. The truth is that where you’re from doesn’t determine the person you are or the things that you will achieve in life. If you believe and work hard at making your dreams a reality then slowly but surely it will happen.

Don’t Lose Your Grip is also coming on leaps and bounds which is intensely exciting and rewarding. We have provisionally booked the Regal Theatre in Bathgate, West Lothian in order for us to put on a charity concert in July 2013 to raise money for SAMH (Scottish Association of Mental Health.) We are also going to be holding regular coffee mornings, bag packing days and other fundraising activities in order to raise the money to have to hold the main event. As soon as we have more plans set in stone, I will let you all know!

Once again I’d just like to thank you all so much for everything – whether it’s for supporting me or putting me down because you’ve both played a role in getting me to the place I am today. Life wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t for everything I have been through and for the first time in my life, I can safely say that I don’t want to be anyone but me.

Thank you for reading, have a great week!
C xx