Merry Christmas, Everyone!

Hello strangers!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?! I’ve been so busy with life in the real world that I’ve been struggling to keep my poor little blog updated. But here I am two days before Christmas holed up in my boyfriend’s bedroom and making sure that I have some time to up date you all as we come to the end of another roller coaster of a year!

2013 has definitely been a roller coaster, but thankfully with more ups than downs. This is the first year where I have felt that I’ve definitely figured out who I am and where I want to go in life, and that is honestly the best feeling in the world. I know who I am and for once I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be in life. I’ve never had that before, I’ve never felt so settled and comfortable in my own skin, and I guess you could say that is down to a few factors. Let’s see what those factors are, shall we?

1. Confidence – This year I made a resolution to myself that I was going to try and be more confident in my appearance and start wearing clothes that I would normally lust after but never actually purchase. I’ve always hidden behind the fact that I’m not really a girly girl in order to get away with not wearing pretty dresses or short skirts, but this year I promised myself that I was going to start wearing whatever the hell I liked, and if people had an issue with that then that was there problem. It’s been a year of bright colours, short skirts, dresses and no shame. It has been such a liberating feeling to go out wearing clothes that I like and not feel bad for wearing them. Sure, now and then I’ll get a comment or a stare, but I don’t care about those anymore. They would have destroyed me a while ago, but now I know that it’s their issue; not mine. I’m comfortable in my skin, I’m happy in my life and what I wear does not define me as a person.

2. People – Being surrounded by loving and supportive people has helped greatly in my journey to self acceptance. I’ve got great friends, a wonderful close family who support me no matter what, a fantastic college class full of a mixture of the most talented and odd people that I’ve ever met – they’ve definitely got me through the first term of college, but more on that later!- and of course, last but not least, I have the love of a good man to get me through even my darkest moments. He makes everything seem safe and that is a wonderful feeling. He’s been in my life for six months now, but it feels like he’s always been there. We’re just two matching pieces of a puzzle, and it feels absolutely lovely to share that bond with someone.

3. Belief – As you all know, I’m not the religious type. But that does not mean that I don’t have a belief system, it simply means that I believe in something a little different from the majority of today’s society. I believe in people, and I think that if more people did then the world would be a much nicer place. I believe that no matter how anxious I feel about something, it will no be the end of the world. I believe that every little thing that happens in our lives happens for a reason. I believe that what is for us will not pass us by, and I believe that it is our duty to grab those things with both hands and make the moments perfect instead of waiting for the perfect moments.

So there, the three things that have made this year my most self-confident year yet. I’m so content with life right now that there are only a few things that could knock me off of this cloud; but I’m not going to discuss them in this post. This post is a yearly roundup and I’m hoping to leave it on a positive note!

So, top ten things that happened this year?

  •  Deciding that life isn’t about what other people think
  • Interviewing one of my idols, Rae Earl
  • Being given my own column in the Konect Directory
  • Landing a job as a photography intern
  • Starting college and learning more and more about photography
  • Meeting Andrew and finding the wonderful love that we share
  • Coffee mornings for DLYG
  • Hitting 5,000 followers on the Don’t Lose Your Grip twitter account!
  • Reconnecting with my oldest niece, Chloe
  • Being proud of the person that I am today

It may not be the longest list in the world, but if I were to go through every great thing that happened this year then I would be here all day.

Over the years I’ve learned that life isn’t about physical things, but in the moments that surround you every day. This year has been full of wonderful moments that I will never forget, and the majority of those would not have happened had it not been for the people that are in my life. The people who are by my side no matter what.

As we come close to the end of the year, my head is full of ideas and hope for 2014. There are a lot of people out there who can’t wait for this year to be over, but to be honest I’m sitting here daring next year to try and be better than this year, and I’m sure it will be.

I want to wish all of you a magical Christmas and wonderful new year when it comes. Keep your eyes peeled for a more in depth update in the new year that will include a run-down of our hopes for Don’t Lose Your Grip and in 2014. Things are getting exciting, and I’m so glad that I get to share this journey with you all.

Much love,

Chrisselle xox

Everything Happens For a Reason

We’ve all been told at some point in our lives that ”Everything happens for a reason.” or that ”What’s for you won’t go by you.” but just how often do you actually take those words on board and see the positives in the negative things that you experience?
I know more than anyone that the negatives of life can sometimes trick our brains into think that the positives don’t outweigh the negatives, but if you sit down and really think about it – and I mean really think about it, you’ll realise that they do.

If you were to write down a list of everything good that has happened in your life, and just how momentus they were to your life then I think you would be shocked by just how much positivity surrounds every single one of us. Whether it’s a smile from a stranger, or graduating from University with the grade you’ve worked hard for; all of these can change our perspectives and I think it’s time that we started focusing more on them as a society than focusing on the negativity that comes to play every day of our lives.
It’s time for us to wake up in the morning with excitement in our hearts instead of fear.

Think of the scariest thing you have ever done, and how absolutely terrified you were to do it – now, no matter the outcome, be it the one you hoped for or the one you dreaded – are you still here? Did the world end? Did it destroy you? The answer is you’re still here, ready for more and you just have to get your brain into thinking the same as your heart and courage.
I remember being terrified to leave the house most days – and I still have those days when my head is really bad, but you know what? I get up, and I go out. Even if it’s just to the shop. I just need to show myself that I can do it, and that nobody – not even myself is going to stop me from doing it.
Since realising this I have made so many of my own dreams come true, and I’ve loved every minute of it. I’m not cured – not by any means, but I’m in control of my anxiety instead of it being in control of me.
I’ve realised that every little thing that has ever happened in my life has brought me to this exact moment in time, with the people I have around me and the things that I am achieving being results of every bad experience, and more importantly, every good experience. We can’t go forward before going backwards, and there’s no light without darkness. You just need to try and stay positive and you will achieve the things you want to.

It sounds a lot easier than it is, I’m not going to deny that, but what I’m trying to say is that at the end of the day, every single minute of your life is worth it!
Never, ever think that it’s not, and if you ever do, then I have a challenge for you – ask your closest friend three things that they love about you. Then, when you know them write them on some sticky notes and put them on your mirror. Now, anytime that you have a negative thought or experience I want you to replace the negative words with one of these (or all three) and hopefully that will make you realise that what you see in yourself isn’t what everyone else sees – everyone else sees the beautiful, brave and wonderful human being that you are.

Thank you for reading,
Chrisselle xo

Stand A Little Taller

Life has a its own special way of chewing us up and spitting us out, doesn’t it? 

The past seven months of my life has been some of the toughest of my life. Maybe that’s why I’ve took such a long break from blogging– I find it hard to share the tough things with people. I guess I’ve just grown up in an environment where I’ve had to be strong for others and find it scary to drop that wall enough to allow myself to rely on other people being strong for me.

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Show Your Scars, That’s Who You Are

Everytime I walk past a fashion store, or open a fashion magazine.. I’m bored. And I’m not just talking about because it’s the same models, the same poses, I’m bored because every thing that is shown in these stores or magazines is being worn by every other single person walking around that very store or buying that very magazine. When did humans start relying on a piece of paper or a piece of plastic molded into a mannequin to tell them how to dress?

Continue reading “Show Your Scars, That’s Who You Are”

Candy Hearts and Toothpaste Kisses

It’s Valentine’s Day! Okay.. that really doesn’t have anything to do with this post, but still, I thought I’d just say to you all that  I hope you have a wonderful day, no matter what you’re doing and regardless of your ‘status’.

I think what this post is mainly about is.. well, me. I know that sounds pretty egomaniac like of me, but I just have some stuff on my mind that I feel I need to get out, and what better way than to thousands of people.. right? Okay, time to get serious…

Recently I’ve not really been acting or feeling like myself, I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to shake it. I hate talking about it because I feel like I just bring other people down and/or sound like I’m looking for attention, but I’m not. This post is just to warn you guys that, if I happen to snap at any of you, or seem pretty down, don’t worry about it. I’ll be back to normal in no time, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how, when I was younger I used to have it in my head that if I was out enjoying myself it meant that something bad would happen to someone that I should have been looking after. And I guess, with already being worried about my fathers health, that kind of mindset is creeping it’s way back into my mind.

I honestly just don’t know anymore, like, I don’t know if I know who I am, if that makes sense?

Y’see the completely confusing thing is, that I can be so completely happy and then one thing can make my mood change drastically, and no, I’m not claiming to be bipolar, it just scares me sometimes that’s all.

But yeah, I can be happy, so let’s talk about that shall we? I’m so content where my life is right now, but on one hand I’m terrified. Why am I terrified? Simply because I’m a teen.. it seems to come with the territory.  I wouldn’t change a thing or person in my life right now, apart from maybe me, I’d like to change some aspects of me, but not too much of them.

I know, I know, I keep talking about how you shouldn’t change.. but this is different, because I can feel myself changing without actually wanting to. So the few changes that I would want to change would be the things that have already changed without my control.

I think what I need to do, is put  myself first for a change and find out what’s making me feel so all over the place. But the question is, is do I really want to know? Or is ignorance really bliss? I guess only time will tell.

In other news, I’m tired of my Twitter and Facebook streams being full of Valentine’s Day guff. It’s a day, it’s just like yesterday and it’ll be the exact same tomorrow. If you can show someone how much you love them on Valentine’s Day, what’s stopping you from doing it every other day? Or more importantly, why aren’t you doing it every other day?

If you’re in a relationship, it’s just another date night. And if you’re single, it’s not a big deal to be single on Valentine’s Day, in fact, I think this is like my second Valentine’s Day that I’ve actually been in a relationship. It’s only a day, it’s not a big deal, and it’s not something to get upset over.

Did you know that a ridiculously high percentage of relationships and even marriages end due to a ‘bad’ Valentine’s Day?! That’s crazy. Like seriously crazy. Why would you end a relationship over something so small? Okay, I could see the point if there had been lots of little things building up and that was just the icing on the cake.. but come on! Ending a relationship purely based on the fact that you didn’t have a nice Valentine’s Day.. that’s just. I can’t even fathom how insane that is.

I don’t really have much to say, apart from; I love you all, and if I could have all of you as my Valentine’s I would! You’re all wonderful.

I have some super exciting news coming up for you guys in a few days, so keep your ears and eyes peeled and you’ll be in for a treat that a few of you may even be involved in!

Much love and thanks for reading!

I Think That You Are Beautiful

This is just a quick post really, about being home and about friends and family in general.

So as you all know, I recently spent a month in Liverpool. Words cannot describe how much I loved it. You see, Liverpool just seems to feel like home to me. I guess it kind of feels like the place I’m supposed to be. It’s that place where I finally realised that I was growing up. That I was finally becoming the person I’ve always wanted to be.

I love home, don’t get me wrong. I love my friends and family here more than life itself, but sometimes growing up means that there’s going to be a lot of changes. My location and attitude are going to be the only things changing.

I’m so tired of drama, so if you cause any, do expect to be removed from my life. I’ve went nineteen years with constant drama, whether it be family feuds or friends falling out. But right now, I’m so completely happy where I’m going, I adore every single person that is in my life, and I feel completely grateful to have them.

They say that when you find your place, you just know. Well I know I’ve found mine. I may only be young, but people that don’t go after what they want, don’t get what they want. I want happiness, and I’ve found mine. I’ve found somewhere where I can be the person that I want to be, without worrying about who thinks what. I’m happy.

This is going to sound so completely sad of me to say, but I’ve never felt this content in my life. I’m at that place where I know that it doesn’t matter if I have a face full of make-up and cute clothes or if I’m in sweatpants with my hair scraped back. I’m at that place where I’m comfortable with the person I am.

I’m not perfect.. and I don’t claim to be. I have anything but the perfect body, but I’m proud to be able to walk down the street and not care what the person looking at me thinks. I’m me, there’s no-one else on this planet that could fill my shoes, or feel the way I do about the people that make me who I am. I’m not being conceited, I’m being real. I believe that we’re all here for a reason.. and maybe we don’t see that reason, but the people that care about us do. Maybe we’re the reason for them to wake up, or maybe we’re the reason they’re smiling right this second. You can never know just how much you mean to someone, so please never underestimate that.

I know for a fact that a few of you are going through tough times at the moment, and although I may not know all of you personally, I want you to know that if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here. You can tweet me @iwrestledahammy, or if you don’t use Twitter you can find all of my social networks on the ‘Networks’ section. I’m more than happy to chat with any of you, whether it be for a casual chat or for some reasurance that everything will be okay. Because trust me, it will be.

I love how I said this was going to be just a quick post, but I realised that I actually have quite a lot to say. I don’t know if any of it makes sense, but I do know that it has to come out somewhere.

Today I spent so much time Skyping with two of my best friends; Angela & Hammy. These two make me ridiculously happy. I cannot wait until Hammy and I fly out to Alabama to spend some time with Angela in exactly 102 days. I’m looking forward to laughter, hugs and roadtrips. Sunburn, sleepovers and soul food. But most of all? Most of all I’m looking forward to spending time with my best friends, with the people that are constantly there for me, no matter what.

Many of you may know that I have a little niece called Isla, she’s the youngest of all of my nieces and nephews. She’s this little adorable being who has the biggest most innocent eyes I’ve ever seen, the cutest button nose that ever existed, and more importantly, she has this smile that makes everything in this world seem perfect. I adore this little girl with every inch of me, just like I adore all of my nieces and nephews. The reason I’m mentioning this is that she’s only 8 months old. She’s got her entire life ahead of her. She’s so happy and bubbly all of the time, and it’s like a breath of fresh air. I hope that she never loses the ability to make everything seem perfect. I hadn’t seen her in over a month, I walked into my sister-in-law’s house and this little girl knew who I was instantly, you’ll never know just how much that means to me. What I want you all to do, is realise something. Realise that you could mean so much, to someone so small.

So basically what I’m saying is that even though you may feel like you mean nothing, you more than likely mean the world to someone. I can gaurentee  that you are the reason someone wakes up in the morning. How can I do that? Because someone has dedicated a huge part of their life to making sure that you’re alive, not only that, but to make sure you’re living. Because trust me, being alive and living are two completely different things.

So if you do one thing this week, make it something for you. Make a decision for you, make the most important person in your life happy; Make youhappy.

I’d also like to thank the incredibly talented, beautiful, Hammy Havoc for the new site design that I absolutely adore. ♥

Much love, and many thanks for reading.

Size Zero’s Gotta Go

Hello there, this is just going to be a quick blog, just to raise awareness of what’s going on on Twitter currently. There’s this man @MrKennethTong, and after you’re finished reading this, I’d like you all to click here to hopefully get him taken off of Twitter. Why? Because he is a danger to people’s lives.

Now you may be sitting there thinking “Oh, what’s he threatened to do?” “How dangerous is he?” Well, this man isn’t that kind of  threat. Y’see he’s promoting ‘Managed Anorexia’ he says that nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and that if you want to be successful, you’ve gotta be a size zero.

A lot of celebs have got on board about this and they’re all raising awareness too, so many people on Twitter are tweeting about how size doesn’t matter and how you don’t have to be size zero, and it’s lovely to see so many people supporting the same thing in the same place. It was one of those moments where my time-line made me proud to follow everyone that I do follow.

My opinion on the size debate is this; People are far too ignorant to actually give a damn about your appearance, the only reason that they could make a comment and mean it, would be for it to be a flaw they see in themselves and for them to then be projecting that on to you.

I think that the society that we live in today has ended up in the state that it’s in because we care too much about what people think of us. So, what do I think of you? I think that you’re beautiful. “You’ve never seen me though.” I don’t need to see you to tell you that you’re beautiful. I can tell you right now that there’s someone that you mean the world to, and they think you’re the most beautiful thing on this planet. You’re alive that in itself is beautiful.

Don’t get me wrong; I’m really self concious about parts of my body, but at the end of the day you only have one body so you may as well start to like it.

The media, in my opinion is the biggest bully in this world. It teaches girls that if they leave the house looking anything but perfect then there will be people judging them, it teaches them that if you’re not a certain size then you’re not ‘normal’. But tell me one thing, how can normality exist in a world along with originality? It can’t. You are who you are, and you should be proud of that person; I’m proud of that person.

Eating disorders aren’t there to be managed, they’re there to be beaten. They are mental disorders, not physical. They are something that should never be promoted or glamorised. They aren’t the way to go. If you really feel like you need to lose weight, see a doctor and do it in a healthy manner; Everyone’s body is different, and we all need more and less of different things, so consult your doctor and see what is best for you. But just remember; The people that love you, love you for who you are not for the size label on your clothes.

Also; I’d just like to mention this blog. It was started by a good friend of mine, and it’s fast becoming a favourite read of mine. According to Aneléne it was my blog that inspired her to be brave enough to ‘go public’ with her life; I’m completely and utterly flattered. So, please check this out and  give the lady herself a follow over on Twitter; @am_mf.

Much love and many thanks for reading.

All My Underdogs

Hi there, nice to meet you. My name is Chrisselle Seasaidh Mowatt. A lot of you may know me from Twitter, Facebook. We may have attended high school together, you could be a member of my family, one of my best friends or the boy that I’m hopelessly in love with. Either way, Hello and welcome to the most honest blog I’ve ever posted.

This one’s for all those kids out there who think the Forever Alone meme applies to their life. The kids that know all the answers in class, or the one’s that know none at all. The kids that get bullied during lunch, or the kids that sit at the back of the bus surrounded by no-one. The one’s that are put down every day because they aren’t skinny, or they don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend. The kid that gets bullied because they love someone of the same sex. It’s for that person that gets bullied in the work place, the one who’s afraid to post pictures of themselves on social networks because of the fear of abuse. This blog? Yeah, it’s for all of you.

I know exactly how you feel. You think you’re ugly, fat, not good enough, not smart enough. Well, let me tell you something. You’re wrong. You’re absolutely beautiful, and if I could walk over and hug you and tell you these words until you believed me, I would.

You guys are the strongest people on this planet. You deal with so much, yet you’re still here. You’re still fighting. What would be the point in giving up now? I know you think that there’s no point but believe me there is. There’s that feeling you get when you see the people you love. The sound of the leaves crunching underneath your feet in the fall. The warmth of the sun on your back on a summer evening. The first snow fall of winter, and that first day of spring when the daffodils  begin to bloom. There’s the laughing until your tummy hurts, the smiling until your cheeks ache. The hugs from your friends. The absolute blissful happiness of being completely in love. You may not have experienced all of these yet, but trust me you will.

This whole Forever Alone bullshit that seems to have taken over the mind of every teenager out there is ridiculous. You do realise that relationships aren’t important right now, right? That they aren’t what your life should be based around. When I was growing up, I spent my early teen years having fun with friends, having sleepovers, going shopping and copying each others homework. Not obsessing over guys. Yeah, I had a few relationships at that age but it wasn’t a big deal, it wasn’t the focus point of my life. So stop thinking you’re going to be forever alone, because for 1) You’re not even alone right now, look around you. Your friends love you. 2) There is life after high school.

I’m sorry if any of this sounds preachy or patronizing but seriously guys. Open those lovely eyes of yours there are so many people out there that love you just the way you are. No-one could ever be the person you are because even though you may not be perfect according to the media, or even society. You’re perfect to the people that love you. You’re perfect at being you. You’re loved for being you. You’re not loved for being just like everyone else. You’re loved for everything you have that they don’t.

I don’t even know each and every one of you but I can tell you this right now. You’re loved, you’re so loved. Yeah you may fight with your family every day. But they really do love you. You may not have a lot of friends but that doesn’t mean that the little that you do have loves you any less. Heck, I love you. You took your time out to read this, thank you.

I guess, what I’m trying to say is, don’t let the media win. Be who you want to be. You don’t feel like wearing make-up? Don’t. You don’t want to be a size zero? Then don’t try to be. You were born an original, don’t die a copy. You’re saving someone’s life just by breathing, never ever forget. You’re the underdog, but really? You’re my kind of hero.

Much love,