Feeling Mushy – Mush: The Social Network for Mums

Becoming a mum is the most daunting thing that most women will ever face. You can adore being a mum, love the nighttime feeds and the conversations of babbles, but you’re still allowed to feel like you’ve suddenly been cut off from society.

One of the toughest adjustments that becoming a mum has brought for me is the isolation. As someone who has studied or worked in one of the UK’s biggest cities for the past four years, suddenly feeling confined to the sleepy little village that I live in has been a bit of a culture shock.

I mean, sure, I could bundle Hallie’s 1 million things up, get her in the buggy, make myself the human version of Buckaroo and four hours later, away we go to navigate public transport and deal with crowds of people being annoyed by my crying baby… but somedays, the thought of that makes me want to lock my door and never leave the house again.

My biggest issue is that I don’t drive, but I live MILES away from all of my friends and my family. Now, the simple thing to do would be to make more friends locally, but if you thought making friends as a teenager was bad, it’s even harder as an adult, that is until I discovered the wonderful Mush.

Mush, mush mums, feeling mushy, mush app for mums

Mush is the incredible brainchild of London mums Sarah Hesz and Katie Massie-Taylor – adding to their brood of actual children. 

Sarah and Katie met in a rainy playground three years ago when they were both getting to grips with having ‘two under two’. That chance meeting led to them becoming firm friends, and left them wondering why there wasn’t a better way to find mums in the same boat.

They launched Mush in May 2016 and there are now hundreds of thousands of users around the world using the app.

The primary purpose of Mush is for mums to make friends and see that there are plenty of us out there in the same boat, not only by being able to talk to nearby mums or further afield mums (coming in the next few months), but there is also entertaining content in the form of Mush guides. 

Mush guides let us see that we’re not the only ones who think our homes have suddenly been taken over by tiny dictators who rule every aspect of our lives from now on. (They totally do rule every aspect, but lets pretend otherwise) Mush guides are entertaining, honest, and great company for night feeds, or when you’ve just got said tiny dictator down for an afternoon nap and you daren’t risk moving in fear of waking them.

What I love most about Mush is the ability to see nearby mums, and thanks to an update in Q3 2017, nearby places that those mums have recommended. Recommendations include things like price range, parking, closeness to transport, if the place is breast feeding friendly and the all important buggy friendliness!

Being able to see nearby mums allows you to interact with people within your community that you may not have encountered otherwise. The app allows you to set a distance in which you would like to search for mums (Think Tinder, but without the dick pics).

On each persons profile is space for a photo, a blurb about themselves along with their name, how many children they have, the gender of their children and how old their children are.

Mush has two primary ways to connect with other users. There’s the Mush-ups section of the apps which is a great forum for any questions that you face in the journey of motherhood, or if you’re maybe looking to pass or sell-on any of your babies things that they have outgrown. The best thing about this section of the app however, is that this is where you are able to organise ‘Mush-ups’ in your area. It’s a nice, non-formal way of saying ‘Hi, can we be friends?’, it also shows you just how many other mums are in the same position as you are.

The other way to communicate is via your inbox – for messages between you and those you connect with via the app, which is great if you find a mum nearby who you really hit it off with!

I’ve so far made one really good friend via Mush who lives 5 minutes away, has a little girl who is two weeks younger than Hallie and has recently joined the same mother and baby group that we have attended since Hallie was 5 weeks old (more on that in another blog). Meeting my Mush Mum friend has shown me that this boat may feel lonely at times, but that there is definitely always someone else holding another oar in the same boat.

I think one of the things that people forget to tell you throughout pregnancy is just how important it is to have other mum friends who live nearby, I wish I’d had the heads up as to just how isolating motherhood is and had known about Mush sooner. So here’s your rally cry – download Mush here or in the app store/Google play and make motherhood that little bit more lovely.


NOTE: This is not a paid ad in any way, shape or form. Mush is an app that advocates for all of the things that I do, and it’s something that I feel other mums and mums to be need to know about. I’ve even praised it to my health visitor and she has also started recommending it to other mums. 

Family of The Twenty-First Century

Society changes every generation it seems, and it would look like not only our society, but also our needs and wants as humans are changing. Family used to be what the world revolved around, but with more and more families breaking up and us becoming more and more reliant on our friends – be them best friends from school, family friends or even friends we have met online, there is definitely substance to the saying.

“The family of the 21st century is made up of friends, and not relatives.”

In my case, this is extremely true. Although I may come from a large family, we aren’t the closest bunch in the world. This does not mean that I care for them any less than anyone else cares for their family, it simply means that to me, family simply means that you’re related and share some traits and genes. I, however, am a firm believer in nurture over nature.

I share very few personality traits with my family – and that isn’t a bad thing. It means that I’ve always been known for my individuality and for my ability to think independently, even from a young age. If it wasn’t for my ability to do this, then I wouldn’t have the courage to pursue the things that I do, and always have done. I’ve always thought differently from the rest of my family, and I’d say that this is a sign of nurture over nature.

I was brought up to believe in myself and supported to do what I wanted to do with my life. Whether it was my dreams of being a teacher up until I turned 11, my urge to move to America as soon as I turned 16 or my hopes and dreams of being a writer and a photographer – the dreams that I’m living just now – then I knew that I could always count on my immediate family to back me up.

But, as I grew up and started taking full control of my own life, and the people that I share it with, then that ‘immediate’ family has grown – and not because my parents had more children, but simply because I had this beautiful ability to choose the people that I got to share my life with. I think the best example of this is my relationship with my oldest best friend, Danielle.

Danielle and I have been best friends since we (ironically) met at a youth group for people who couldn’t make friends easily. We hit it off straight away with a day full of laughing and general loveliness and ten years down the line I’m extremely proud to be able to call her my best friend.

The thing is, she’s more than a best friend – she’s a sister. Now, I’m not one for clichés but there is genuinely no better way to describe our relationship. No matter how bad things have got in my life, she’s been one of the constant things there to pick me up and dust me off when I’ve needed it, and she’s not afraid to point out when I’m wrong or being simply ridiculous either, because she knows that I appreciate her honesty and more importantly, the fact that she cares enough to be honest with me, no matter how lovely or brutal that honesty may be.

She’s never once got fed up of my dreaming, and if anything she’s been the biggest support of it. If at any point I start to doubt myself, then she is right by my side to remind me why I’m doing this and the things I have already accomplished. She’s my right arm, and I would be lost without her. She isn’t just my family though, she’s part of my family. She’s been accepted as part of my family by my immediate family, and that makes it even better.

“Blood makes you related. Loyality makes you family.”

Sharing genes does not necessarily make you family; the ability to love and support each other is the thing that makes you family.

I’m lucky enough to be blessed with an immediate family who I love to pieces, but I know that it’s not just because we share the same DNA; it’s because as well as being related, we are friends and we choose to be loyal to each other. My mother and big sister will always be my two biggest inspirations, and that isn’t because I happen to have the same blood as them. No, that’s completely irrelevant. The reason they inspire me is because they are both strong women who have overcome hardship and came out on the brighter side. And, they’re my friends.

Life is too short to spend it waiting on people accepting you for whom you are, or for trying to get on with people that you simply don’t get on with. Spend your life with the people you love, and the people who love you for being who you are.

Nobody should ever feel the need to change any part of themselves for the happiness of other people, the only thing you can do is be the best version of yourself that you can possibly be, and the most important part about being that, is that you make sure you’re being the best version of yourself for you and not anyone else.

Thanks for reading,
C xo

What It Means To Be Living

Hey guys! I know that it’s been a while since I blogged, but that’s mainly due to the fact that the past month or so has probably been one of the hardest, and oddest months I’ve faced in a long time. My relationship ended, two of my uncles became life threateningly ill, and pretty much everything has been against me. But, somehow in all of this negativity; I’ve managed to find myself. And although that sounds too odd for words, it’s true.

Continue reading “What It Means To Be Living”

Day 5 – A Kiss With A Fist

Hey there guys! I noticed that #100FactsAboutMe is trending on Twitter so I thought that instead of bombarding my followers with 100 boring tweets I would incorporate it into Day Five of Thirty Days Of Blogs, aren’t you guys lucky! /sarcasm. But first, I’m going to tell you guys about my eventful, yet uneventful weekend.

So on Saturday, I decided that I was going to have a day off. Now, that may seem ridiculous to you guys considering I work at home and don’t actually physically do much apart from check on my dad a few times a week and spend time with loved ones or run errands. But trust me.. organizing a fundraiser and dealing with personal things as well as working on some other projects generates enough stress to leave you psychologically drained enough to feel like you’ve ran a 5K marathon every day of the week! The relaxing day didn’t go exactly to plan I ended up getting bored and working on some designs for DLYG and doing some other things too.

On Saturday night, though, I went out with some friends who I’ve not seen in too long. And all in all it was an enjoyable evening, having not seen these guys in what had felt like years it was nice just to have a conversation with them and a hug at the end of the night. The cocktails and Morgans Spiced was just a bonus! And it was a chance for me to wear my white dress that I love so much. It was a nice night, and it was a nice reminder that I always have friends I can count on.


The ‘white dress’ in question!



So now that I‘ve told you about my weekend, it‘s on to the 100 Facts About Me, I‘m warning you now, it‘s not pretty. And it‘ll probably take you forever to read. But if you want to know me, and I mean really know me. Then you should probably read these.

100 (probably boring) facts about me.

1. It takes me longer to trust someone than it does to forget someone.
2. I’m nowhere near close to being completely happy with myself.
3. I block people out, not because I’m scared to let them in, but because I hate admitting I need help.
4. I put other people’s happiness before my own.
5. I’m not afraid to be honest about myself until people ask more questions.
6. I don’t like being controlled.
7. I won’t let someone talk down to me.
8. If you hurt me once, chances are I’ll never forget it.
9. I remember insults longer than I do compliments.
10. The only material things that mean something to me are photos.
11. I don’t like money because it brings out the worst in people.
12. “I‘m disappointed in you” hurts me more than “I hate you”
13. Very few people know my weaknesses.
14. I hate depending on anyone.
15. I get bored when someone goes on and on about the same thing constantly.
16. If you break my trust once, I’ll never trust you completely again.
17. I hold grudges, although I wish I didn’t.
18. I hate stereotypes.
19. I miss the innocence of being a kid.
20. Stress makes me feel self-destructive.
21. My big sister, Fiona, is the only person that knows everything I’ve been through.
22. I used to drink myself stupid every weekend until January ’10.
23. I hate that I can tell you the alcohol content on a ridiculous amount of beverages.
24. I wish I didn’t know what a hangover felt like.
25. I’m terrified of vomiting, because I’m not in control of my body.
26. I’ve tried to commit suicide.
27. I broke a promise to myself last year. The promise was to never cut again. I cut once.
28. I don’t know how to deal with my anger.
29. If you screw me over, you’ll lose any respect I had for you.
30. Bitchy comments do nothing but annoy me.
31. If you don’t like me, I’d rather you told me.
32. I hate feeling like I’m ‘tolerated’.
33. In my eyes, I’m nothing special. Even though I get told that I’m ‘stuck up’ a lot.
34. Knowing that people get help from my blogs makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.
35. I’m still learning how to live.
36. I don’t consider myself to be ‘strong’.
37. I used to stop breathing in my sleep.
38. I hate the feeling of fainting, again because I’m not in control.
39. I suffer from OCD and insomnia as well as depression.
40. I’m not ashamed of suffering from any of the above.
41. I’d rather bottle things up than bring people down, although I know it’s not healthy.
42. I never take my own advice.
43. I don’t know where I want to be next month, but I know where I want to be in ten years.
44. I need to be able to look forward to something.
45. I plan things months in advance, but somehow I still manage to be rushing at the last minute.
46. I’m trying really hard to make this about me, and not about how much people mean to me.
47. I find listing things about myself hard, and have no idea how I’m going to get to 100 facts.
48. I feel like a burden to almost everyone I know.
49. I well up at the mere mention of my grandmother.
50. If you insult the memory of my grandmother in anyway, chances are you’ll lose my respect.
51. I never knew my fathers parents.
52. I miss being seventeen. Simply because I felt like I was living without a care in the world.
53. I’m proud of being Scottish, but I’m not patriotic. I know my country has flaws; Everywhere does.
54. I like when someone asks how I’m feeling, and it feels like they actually care about the reply.
55. I fight more with my mom than any other family member, but I would still give my life for her.
56. I’m terrified of my dad dying.
57. I don’t know one person that will know every fact on this list.
58. I’ve not accepted the fact that Lacey is dead yet, it doesn’t feel real to me.
59. I hate the fact that I eat meat, yet I’ve failed more times than I can count at being a vegetarian.
60. I can’t walk past a homeless person without giving them money.
61. I miss talking to @carleyvanessa about everything, and not being ashamed of breaking down.
62. I miss high school. Not just the people, but I miss learning so much in a day.
63. Modern studies, art and English were my favourite subjects at school.
64. I hate my body, but I refuse to feel inferior to someone who loves theirs.
65. I’m more complicated than you first think.
66. My temper scares me.
67. I can’t stand people that try to make you feel worthless.
68. Nothing hurts me more than seeing my father cry.
69. I’m not ashamed of the person I am.
70. I forget to eat a lot of the time.
71. The thing that scares me about dying is how the people I love would deal with it.
72. Waking up with my boyfriend makes me feel blissfully happy.
73. I’m trying to forget the fact that hundreds of people are going to read this.
74. I don’t care if you judge me.
75. I believe in spirituality, not because I’m religious, but because I miss people that have passed away.
76. Being told my gran was proud of me was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
77. I’m not afraid to have an opinion.
78. I think about suicide at least twice a week, in detail. And it scares me.
79. I suffer from paranoia.
80. Sitting beside the motorway for even ten minutes clears my mind.
81. I’d give my life in an instant for my nieces and nephew.
82. I resent the fact that I get to breathe every second of every day, but my nephew didn’t even get to take his first breath.
83. I support the rights of unborn babies.
84. The Bucket List is the most inspirational movie I’ve ever seen.
85. I didn’t realise how close I was to my sister until she moved out.
86. I can count the people that I know I can trust with my fingers.
87. My train of thought confuses me.
88. I’m terrified of dying in a traffic accident.
89. I no longer have my tonsils.
90. I’m scared for future generations.
91. I wasn’t scared of childbirth until this year.
92. I watch TV when I need to clear my mind.
93. I’m overwhelmed that people actually listen to the words I write.
94. I miss writing lyrics, but can’t seem to write anything worthwhile these days.
95. I miss playing a musical instrument.
96. I want to home school my kids.
97. I’m terrified of being a bad parent.
98. I’ve surprised myself with this list.
99. Kisses on the forehead automatically make me smile.
100. I’ve never loved someone the way I love my boyfriend.

So there you have it. And now instead of boring you anymore, I’m going to go. Have a great week, and don’t forget to smile.

Much love and huge hugs,

You Gotta Break Free To Break The Mold

Hey guys!
This is just a quick post really, it’s about a few things, one of them is a personal update and the other is something I just want you guys to hear.

So on to my first reason for posting; Tomorrow I’m off back to Liverpool! Excited Chrisselle is excited. It feels like I’ve been gone for too long and I’m really looking forward to just geeking out with Hammy all the time. December was seriously one of the best months of my life, and it was simply because just being in Liverpool and seeing Hammy so often makes for one happy Chrisselle!

I don’t know what it is about Liverpool, And by that I mean the city itself, it just feels good being there. It’s got so many incredible memories attached to it, and because of that it will always be one of my favourite places in the whole world, just like Glasgow.

So yeah, I’m really excited about it! I’m even more excited because it’s not snowing and this time I get to relax on the journey instead of being scared of the ridiculously bad weather conditions we were experiencing the last time I was traveling down.

I know for  a fact that I’m going to get homesick again, simply because today was such a great day with family, I spent it with my mom and older sister and then popped in to see my sister-in-law, brother and nieces which was lovely. My baby niece, Isla now gives you a goodbye kiss, which is just the most adorable thing in this world. Ever!

Okay, on to the next thing.
I just wanted to tell you all how much you guys mean to me, now, I know I do it a lot, but it’s not exactly something you can get sick of hearing, is it?

You guys are so great, I was talking to Hammy the other day about how when I first started this site I thought I would get 100 hits a month at the most. But I get almost 30,000 hits a month and that just blows my mind, so I just want to thank you all for taking the time out to read my posts, you have no idea just how much it means to me!

I honestly have no clue what else to say!

You are all beautiful, and I never want any of you to forget it. You touch my life just by reading a single blog of mine, so if you ever feel like you’re nothing special remember that just by reading this you’re making my life, just like you make everyone elses!

Right now I should stop procrastinating and go bathe and wash my hair, which is now red by the way!

So I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday and you  shall be hearing from me shortly!
All my love, a newly redheaded Chrisselle! ↓

Life’s A Playground

So, I said that there would be letters popping up now and then. Well, this is one of those moments.
This letter is for Miss Jenni Imrie, soon to be Jenni Mowatt. Jenni is my sister-in-law, but she’s more like a sister to me.

Hello pretty lady.

It feels strange writing to you.. I’m so used to just texting you “Oh, it’s a long story I’ll tell you when I come down.” and then coming down and chilling out for the night while we gossip, more than likely get drunk, and have so many laughs that it hurts.

Jenni, I honestly don’t think you know half of who you are. Do you know why? Because you’re incredible. You’re such an amazing person. You’ve always been there for me, no matter what. Even if it was as simple as “My mum’s annoying me,” You make me feel safe. You’re like a big sister to me, and you always will be no matter what happens, and no matter how many miles away I am.

I’m having so my much fun here, and I’ve honestly not been this happy in forever. You’d love it here, it’s so pretty.

I miss you, Scott and the girls. Heck, I miss everyone. But I’m doing something for me, and it feels good. I couldn’t have done it without you because you supported me through everything and I can’t thank you enough for it.

You’re an inspiration to be honest. You’re such an incredible mother, partner, sister, aunt and daughter. The people that have you in their lives are lucky to have you and they should know it. I know I do. I’m so thankful to have you because you’re one of the reasons I can still breathe. You make things seem safe.

I want to thank you for helping me have an incredible birthday. I loved my night out, and our little night out to the reading. It made me really happy, and the reading you got me as a gift was one of the best things that’s happened this year.

One day we’re going to have everything, and no-one’s going to interfere with our happiness. Why? Because we deserve it.

I love you, never forget that.


I’m not too sure how many letters I’ve written, but I know I have so many more to write. So if you’re wondering why you haven’t had yours yet, it’s because I’ve been busy. But don’t worry. You’ll get it some day soon!

Right now I’m happier than I’ve been in as long as I can remember. It’s as if everything’s finally coming together.

Oh! Before I forget, I got an exclusive look at some Hordasken goodness today and all I have to say is WOW, you guys are going to be super pleased, so I hope you’re super excited! Keep your eyes peeled for the single and album. And don’t forget to check out the official siteTwitter, and Facebook!

Much love and thanks for reading!

My Darling, Who Knew?

So, if you follow my blog, or know me via Twitter or Facebook. You will know that I’ve been pretty all over the place this week due to the passing of a close friend of mine. I thought it was time to blog, and answer a few questions, as well as thank a lot of you for your support.

This has probably been one of the hardest weeks of my life, and I honestly wouldn’t have got through it without the people that I still have. Each one of them mean the world to me, and I know we’ll get through this together, how cn I be so sure? Because when we have each other we can get through anything.

I’ve been falling apart this week. But the people I love have been holding me together. I still have so many questions, but I’ll never have the answer to them, and those are the things that keep me awake at night, or I’ll see her in a dream and wake up in hope that it’s real. Even now, I’ll have those moments where I convince myself that it’s not true, that it must just be a misunderstanding, or some sort of sick joke. And then it’ll hit me, that this is realand that will tear me apart all over again.

The five stages of coping with death were described by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her classic book On Death and Dying in 1969. These have been abbreviated into DABDA; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression & Acceptance. Going by Kübler-Ross’ theory, I’d say I’ve got a touch of each of them. This is probably the most confusing thing I’ve ever dealt with. It hurts too much to accept it, but then it hurts even more to pretend that it’s not going on.

I guess I just can’t believe that she’s gone. She was one of the best friends I ever had, she was so beautiful and talented. The world has lost an amazing human being.

I want to thank the people that have been there for me since this happened, and there’s been a lot of you. So to each and every single one of you; Thank you. Thank you for contirbuting to making me feel supported enough to carry on with this, to be able to live life the way I want to, but to be there when I feel like I’m falling apart.

Hammy, I want to thank you, so much. You’ve been a huge part of my life for nine months now and you’ve supported me through everything, the little and the huge. You’ve made it safe enough for me to breathe, and I love you.

Angela, you really are like a sister to me, and I love you. You know how to make me feel better, or how to distract my mind, but even better; You knowwhen to.

Jess, you mean the world to me. You always know when I’m fronting at being okay, and you know how to make me laugh enough that I feel better. I love you, so much.

There’s so many more of you to thank, but I want each of you to know that you know how to make a young girl happy, and to keep her here. I can’t thank you enough, all of you. Seriously.

I know this blog probably doesn’t make much sense, but it’s literally just coming straight from the heart. I didn’t even plan to blog today. So thank you for trying to make sense of it anyway.

I want every person reading this to look in a mirror and repeat after me; “I love you, you’re not alone. You touch the lives of thousands of people without realising it, and there’s no-one that could ever replace you.”

I know I’ve said it before, but I honestly do care about all of you. If any of you need to talk about anything, please don’t hesitate to get in touch, and I’ll do my best to help you. Don’t suffer in silence, just ask for help, no-one will judge you for it. You can find all of my social network links in the ‘Networks’ section of the site.

So before I go, remember, I love you, as does a lot of other people. You may feel like just one person to the world. But to just one person you could bethe world.

Many thanks for reading and much love,

Baby You’re So Wrong About You

So as I said, letters will be popping up here and then, and this is one of those moments. This letter is for Lacey, if you guys read my blog yesterday you’ll know that she passed away on Monday. I’m still in shock, but these are some of the things I wish I could’ve said, and I hope that she knew.

Hello there, beautiful.

I miss you, so much already. I have a few things I want you to know, and I hope, wherever you are, you get to know them.

I’m so sorry, Lacey. Sorrier than you could possibly ever imagine. You were one of my best friends, you were one of the most beautiful people I have ever met in my whole life. It tears me apart, that you felt so alone that you had to do this, that you felt like you didn’t matter. Because trust me, you did. You mattered so much. I love you Lacey Crawford, and I have done since the moment we became friends.

Remember all the MSN conversations? “I love that you use just as many emoticons as me!” We had some good times in the short time that we were in each others lives. So good that we were going to be roommates, we were going to experience so many things together, and we never went a single day without talking about them. You helped me through one of the toughest months of my life this year, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

I still remember the first time that you let me hear your music. I was so amazed by your voice. It was incredible, and still is. For the past twenty-four hours I’ve watched your youtube videos, and listened to your recordings and just cried. I cried because I love you, because I’m sorry, because I miss you, and because the world has lost one of the most talented young girls to ever walk this earth.

I still have all of our conversations, and I’ll never not have them. They’re going on a memory stick that will be kept with me wherever I go, just in case I need to hear your voice, or I forget to remember what you sound like. Because anytime I read anything you’ve wrote, I hear it as loud as day in my mind, I have since the day I first heard your voice. Your voice was one of those that just made me feel  instantly safe. You were like a sister to me, Lace. I’m never, ever going to forget you, I promise.

You always wondered who would cry if you died. Well guess what, babe. Lots of people have, lots of people miss you, and we just want you to come back to us. But, at the end of the day, I hope you’re at peace now, I really do. I hope that you’re safe from harm.

You made so many things seem so simple. Remember when I was packing my things to go to the Wheatus concert with Hammy? I was so nervous, it was ridiculous. You laughed with me, and promised me that everything would be okay, and you were right. You weren’t just my best friend, you were Hammy’s too, and although all three of us had our silly little arguments, or we got mad at each other. You were, and still are one of the closest friends we’ve ever had. Thank you for being part of our lives, thank you for having an impact on us.

Do you remember when I bought those candles that were being kept until we had our own house together? Well, I’ve been burning one of them since the moment I heard you were gone, and it’s still going, it’s burning brighter than it ever has, just like your soul continues to shine. You were Lacey, You were beautiful, talented, kind, loving and hilarious. I miss my Oompy, I really do.

The last time I spoke to you was on my birthday, and that really made my birthday special. I was just too stubborn to tell you that at the time, trust me, I’m kicking myself now. We spoke about my tattoo and you told me you loved it. I’ve been thinking all day to day, what I could get that will last forever as a reminder of you. And I was going to get just a simple music note behind my ear. But, I’ve decided to get the tattoo you dreamed of getting, y’know, the Love Never Fails one? Because honey, it doesn’t. We all love you, and we always have. I hope that you like it when it’s finished, it’s going to be the next one I get.

Remember when you downloaded all of Wheatus and P!nk’s discographies? Just because Hammy and I spoke about them so much? I loved that day, I  think that’s when I realised just how much we all meant to each other.

Month after month we shared music, laughter, happiness, sadness, tears, anger, every possible emotion out there. But do you know the one emotion that’s always going to be there for you Lacey? Love.

I know we had lost contact, but somehow I still felt like you were in my life. I still wanted you to share so much of it with me. I wanted you to be part of my family when I had my own. I wanted you to share my life with me as one of my best friends. I just wanted you to be happy.

I hope to see you in my dreams, it’ll give me a chance to tell you all of this. I hope you’ve got the happiness and peace you deserve. And I hope that wherever you are, you’re with loved ones. Tell Brad to look after you, I know he did while he was here.

I’m not going to say goodbye, because I know I’ll see you again one day. So just like you said when you were moving back home; I’ll talk to you later, sweetie. Take care and have sweet dreams.

I love you.
All my love, Chrisselle. ♥

I also want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for their kind words. Lacey was loved by more people than she could have ever wished. She touched more lives than she could imagine. And I just wish that I could have made her realise this before it was too late. I’ll always be sorry that I didn’t.

On Monday the 15th of November 2010, this world lost one of the most beautiful and talented souls to ever grace this planet. Rest in peace Lacey Crawford, you’re going to be deeply missed.

Much love and thanks for reading.