Day Nine – This Moment Seems So Long

Hello lovelies! Well, as you can tell my whole 30 Days Of Blogs thing isn’t going exactly to plan, although I’m still going to continue doing it! I’ve not posted everyday, but I’ve done the closest to it that I could. But yeah, on to the blog.

Well, as far as weekends go, I’d say that I’ve had a pretty good one especially considering the week I’ve had. On Friday night I decided to stay at my brother’s house and his girlfriend and I had a sleepover. We watched a movie and ate cakes and pizza, it was just what I needed. Something else that made my night was seeing my nieces. If you remember in my last blog, I spoke about Isla and how she seems to make the world a better place with just one smile. Well, she did. On my way to Jenni’s I popped into the shop to pick up some goodies for us and just as I was heading for the checkout I saw my ex, now he wasn’t just any ex, no, he was the one that wrecked my trust of guys. I think what made seeing him worse, was the fact that he smiled at me. I don’t think I’ve been that angry in a long time, but as soon as I got into Jenni’s, Isla turned around and smiled at me with her arms up. The anger? Yeah, that completely disappeared.

 

I love my Isla Bee

Family is the one thing that I don’t really blog about much, which considering I come from a family with 12 kids, is pretty surprising. I don’t know why I don’t do it, probably because they piss me off so much at times that I have nothing to write about them. But one thing I ever write about is how much I love them. My family have seen me through so much, and even now they’re getting me through a hard time, one that we both know well.

Every family is different, and people would probably think that my family is pretty odd. I mean, to be honest with you, my family is an odd one. We’re really open with each other, and you’re guaranteed that if you’re spending time with my family you will be infected with laughter. We have a lot of fun, but it’s not all fun and games. You see, we were brought up with the mindset “If you can’t laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?” We’ve all been through some really hard times, but it’s at those times that we’ve shown just how strong a family we are. When push comes to shove I know that my family will stand by me, and they know I’ll stand by them.

Speaking of family, you guys may remember how one of the facts in my 100 Facts About Me was that my sister was the only person that knew everything I’d been through. This weekend I’ve spent time with her and it’s so nice just to be able to spend time with her. She’s 29 weeks pregnant which means she’s only got 11 weeks until her babba is here. I’m so proud of her, she’s going to be such an amazing mum that words can’t even describe how lucky this baby is going to be. Yesterday we went and spent time with my dad, which is something we do every Sunday and on the way back we popped into the store and got the supplies to bake a cake. It was so much fun, and it made the week that’s been one of the toughest for me for a while end on a high.

The end product of a family Sunday.

I guess what this post is really about is family. It’s kind of a reminder to you guys and even to me, that family are the people that will love you endlessly, yeah they may piss us off and we my have ridiculous arguments. But at the end of the day, your family is where your life began, don’t take that for granted.

Love and thanks,
Chrisselle.

Day Eight – Dog Days Are Over

I don’t actually know what I’m going to blog about right now, but I’m just going to type what ever come to my mind.. or rather my heart. One or the other, but yeah I have a feeling this could get personal.

I was working on the DLYG Twitter account yesterday when I saw someone tweet a twitlonger of about 700 words, and each one of them was negative about the person that posted it. The only way to put how I felt into words is that it broke my heart.

People seem to have forgot what it’s like to be nice to each other, not only that, but they’ve forgot how to be nice to themselves. Too many people are living their life a certain way just to please other people, be it parents, friends, or other people that are close to them. But, at the end of the day, why should you live your life a certain way to make someone else happy? The only person that has to be happy with how you live is you. The people that really care about you will support you, no matter how they feel about it. At the end of the day, your life shouldn’t affect their’s.

It scares me how many people my age there is that don’t see a way forward, what terrifies me more is the fact that there’s people even younger than me that are so depressed that they only light they can see is suicide.

Life is about living, no matter how hard it can be. It’s about scraping your knees, getting a grass stain on your favourite pair of shorts, it’s about playing in the swing-park even though you’re a teenager. It’s about beautiful sights that you’re lucky to see, it’s about falling in love, it’s about doing what makes you happy. It’s about friends, family, BBQs, and anything else you can think of that puts a smile on your face. Life is about smiles.

Life isn’t something that you’re born knowing how to do. I’m still learning how to live, and I’m not afraid to admit it. I don’t think you ever stop learning really, I think you just learn how to cope with things differently.

Basically, what I’m saying is this: Don’t let someone live their life through you, do what makes you happy and enjoy it. Smile more, laugh more, see pretty sites, kiss with all of your heart, hug like you’re never going to let go and maybe, just maybe you’ll start to see the beautiful things that are left in the world.

Speaking of beautiful things, today I get to see my baby niece. I’ve not seen her in six weeks, now yeah, that may not seem like much to you. But I’m used to seeing her every other day, so you can imagine just how much I miss her! She has this ridiculous way of just making me smile even if she’s screaming about how she wants her pacifier. She’s 10 months old, and what gives her this power is her innocence. She doesn’t know what judgement is yet, and that’s something so pure. She doesn’t care who you are, if you look at her she’ll give you a huge gummy smile and a little giggle.

Maybe that’s what humanity needs? To forget what judgement is and to realize that we’re all human.

Much love and many thanks for reading,
Chrisselle.

Day Seven – Can’t Keep Me Down

After not having any inspiration as to what to blog about, I tweeted asking you guys what you wanted to hear about. @am_mf said she wanted  blog about self love and inspiration, and @MikeyMikeMNM said he wanted to know my guilty pleasures. So, this blog is (hopefully) going to incorporate all three! Wish me luck!

I’m going to start off with the easy one, and probably the most amusing one for you guys: My guilty pleasures. I’m not actually sure how to blog about this, so I think I’m just going to list them and explain each one.

My first ‘guilty pleasure’ that I can think of is probably kids TV. I’m turning 20 in September, and to be honest with you I’m not ashamed to say that I still watch some kids TV.. not this generation’s but my generation’s. The shows/movies I watch are; The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Even Stevens, Arthur, Mona the Vampire, Power Rangers, Pokemon, The Hoobs, Spongebob and My Parents Are Aliens, there’s probably a ton more, but those are the ones that come to mind. I don’t know why I do it, probably because they were/are good TV shows, they’ve got more character to them than half of the things on TV today, and let’s be honest, they kick even more ass when you can understand the jokes you missed the first time round. Another of my guilty pleasures is watching football with my dad, now I personally have no interest in football, but sitting watching the football with my dad reminds me of when him and my mom were still together and I’d get bored on a Sunday afternoon so I’d snuggle up with him and watch TV. I am a daddy’s girl after all. Elvis and country music are another; They remind me of growing up, and road-trips with my dad. You’re pretty much guaranteed to find some Elvis or country in many of my playlists.  F.R.I.E.N.D.S, yeah, that’s right if you follow me on Twitter you’ll know just how much of a guilty pleasure Friends is to me, I could probably quote all ten seasons. I love the show, the characters and all of the storylines that have been involved in the show over the years, there really is nothing that can beat it for me. Travelling, as most of you know, I travel a lot between Scotland and England and although it can be frustrating being on a bus so long, once I’m on it, I actually enjoy it. I’ve always enjoyed travelling, I find it exciting and I love being able to sit in silence with music and watch the landscape change every now and then. Chicken sandwiches, cereal, burritos, pasta, pizza and cake… These foods are the foods you need in your cupboard if a Chrisselle is coming to stay, I could literally live on these things alone. I swear I was Garfield in a previous life. Also: Irn Bru, that one doesn’t need explaining: I’m Scottish.

Now the inspiration part, after having a discussion with Anelene about how inspiring we found a love like P!nk and Carey Hart’s, Anelene decided that I should blog about it. I don’t really know what to say apart from the following few paragraphs that actually tie into a conversation I had with @hammyhavoc today.

Love is love. No matter how you put it, love is still love. I’m tired of love needing ‘rights’. Why should someone need a license to get married? Never mind be allowed the ‘right’ to be married? Love is about someone’s personality, it’s about having a bond with that person that you’ve never had with anyone. It’s something that no-one but the people in that relationship can understand. So who’s the government to say that two people can’t get married simply because they are of the same sex? Let’s face it, it’s rare to actually see two people get married simply because they’re in love anymore, regardless of sexuality. Marriage is a promise between two people to be there for each other no matter what, why should that be turned into something to do with the government, or even God for that matter? It should be between two people, not the world and his dog. It’s simply a promise between two people, and the last time I checked, you didn’t need any form of rights to make a promise.

Okay now onto the real tough one. Anelene said that she wanted me to blog about self love, now I could preach to you about how important it is to love yourself, or I could be honest with you. And today, I’m going to let you in, and show you how I cope with the difficulty that is self love.

Like I said in my #100FactsAboutMeBlog, I’m nowhere near being completely happy with myself. But I am so much closer than I was even this time last year. I used to literally hate almost every single part of me, but since meeting the people that I have met in the past year, they’ve inspired me to actually get to know me, and I guess, they’ve allowed me to like the person I’m becoming. I don’t quite know who that person is, but I am proud of her.

It seems that teenagers today are basically taught to hate themselves, and then to find someone to make them love themselves. But that’s not how it works guys, you have to have some form of love for yourself before you can even begin to love someone else, if not love you’ve got to have respect for yourself. And trust me, letting someone control your life with your heart strings is not having respect for yourself, you’ve got to be able to have your own opinions and you’re own life. What would you guys ever talk about if you agreed on everything and lived in each others pockets? You’ve got to remember to not lose the person you are while you’re looking for someone to love, otherwise what’s going to be left for them to love? I guess what I’m saying is this: Enjoy life, don’t pressure yourself into making decisions too fast, or get down when something doesn’t work out the first time, put it down to practice and remember that practice makes perfect.

 

All my love,
Chrisselle

Day 5 – A Kiss With A Fist

Hey there guys! I noticed that #100FactsAboutMe is trending on Twitter so I thought that instead of bombarding my followers with 100 boring tweets I would incorporate it into Day Five of Thirty Days Of Blogs, aren’t you guys lucky! /sarcasm. But first, I’m going to tell you guys about my eventful, yet uneventful weekend.

So on Saturday, I decided that I was going to have a day off. Now, that may seem ridiculous to you guys considering I work at home and don’t actually physically do much apart from check on my dad a few times a week and spend time with loved ones or run errands. But trust me.. organizing a fundraiser and dealing with personal things as well as working on some other projects generates enough stress to leave you psychologically drained enough to feel like you’ve ran a 5K marathon every day of the week! The relaxing day didn’t go exactly to plan I ended up getting bored and working on some designs for DLYG and doing some other things too.

On Saturday night, though, I went out with some friends who I’ve not seen in too long. And all in all it was an enjoyable evening, having not seen these guys in what had felt like years it was nice just to have a conversation with them and a hug at the end of the night. The cocktails and Morgans Spiced was just a bonus! And it was a chance for me to wear my white dress that I love so much. It was a nice night, and it was a nice reminder that I always have friends I can count on.

 

The ‘white dress’ in question!

 

 

So now that I‘ve told you about my weekend, it‘s on to the 100 Facts About Me, I‘m warning you now, it‘s not pretty. And it‘ll probably take you forever to read. But if you want to know me, and I mean really know me. Then you should probably read these.

100 (probably boring) facts about me.

1. It takes me longer to trust someone than it does to forget someone.
2. I’m nowhere near close to being completely happy with myself.
3. I block people out, not because I’m scared to let them in, but because I hate admitting I need help.
4. I put other people’s happiness before my own.
5. I’m not afraid to be honest about myself until people ask more questions.
6. I don’t like being controlled.
7. I won’t let someone talk down to me.
8. If you hurt me once, chances are I’ll never forget it.
9. I remember insults longer than I do compliments.
10. The only material things that mean something to me are photos.
11. I don’t like money because it brings out the worst in people.
12. “I‘m disappointed in you” hurts me more than “I hate you”
13. Very few people know my weaknesses.
14. I hate depending on anyone.
15. I get bored when someone goes on and on about the same thing constantly.
16. If you break my trust once, I’ll never trust you completely again.
17. I hold grudges, although I wish I didn’t.
18. I hate stereotypes.
19. I miss the innocence of being a kid.
20. Stress makes me feel self-destructive.
21. My big sister, Fiona, is the only person that knows everything I’ve been through.
22. I used to drink myself stupid every weekend until January ’10.
23. I hate that I can tell you the alcohol content on a ridiculous amount of beverages.
24. I wish I didn’t know what a hangover felt like.
25. I’m terrified of vomiting, because I’m not in control of my body.
26. I’ve tried to commit suicide.
27. I broke a promise to myself last year. The promise was to never cut again. I cut once.
28. I don’t know how to deal with my anger.
29. If you screw me over, you’ll lose any respect I had for you.
30. Bitchy comments do nothing but annoy me.
31. If you don’t like me, I’d rather you told me.
32. I hate feeling like I’m ‘tolerated’.
33. In my eyes, I’m nothing special. Even though I get told that I’m ‘stuck up’ a lot.
34. Knowing that people get help from my blogs makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.
35. I’m still learning how to live.
36. I don’t consider myself to be ‘strong’.
37. I used to stop breathing in my sleep.
38. I hate the feeling of fainting, again because I’m not in control.
39. I suffer from OCD and insomnia as well as depression.
40. I’m not ashamed of suffering from any of the above.
41. I’d rather bottle things up than bring people down, although I know it’s not healthy.
42. I never take my own advice.
43. I don’t know where I want to be next month, but I know where I want to be in ten years.
44. I need to be able to look forward to something.
45. I plan things months in advance, but somehow I still manage to be rushing at the last minute.
46. I’m trying really hard to make this about me, and not about how much people mean to me.
47. I find listing things about myself hard, and have no idea how I’m going to get to 100 facts.
48. I feel like a burden to almost everyone I know.
49. I well up at the mere mention of my grandmother.
50. If you insult the memory of my grandmother in anyway, chances are you’ll lose my respect.
51. I never knew my fathers parents.
52. I miss being seventeen. Simply because I felt like I was living without a care in the world.
53. I’m proud of being Scottish, but I’m not patriotic. I know my country has flaws; Everywhere does.
54. I like when someone asks how I’m feeling, and it feels like they actually care about the reply.
55. I fight more with my mom than any other family member, but I would still give my life for her.
56. I’m terrified of my dad dying.
57. I don’t know one person that will know every fact on this list.
58. I’ve not accepted the fact that Lacey is dead yet, it doesn’t feel real to me.
59. I hate the fact that I eat meat, yet I’ve failed more times than I can count at being a vegetarian.
60. I can’t walk past a homeless person without giving them money.
61. I miss talking to @carleyvanessa about everything, and not being ashamed of breaking down.
62. I miss high school. Not just the people, but I miss learning so much in a day.
63. Modern studies, art and English were my favourite subjects at school.
64. I hate my body, but I refuse to feel inferior to someone who loves theirs.
65. I’m more complicated than you first think.
66. My temper scares me.
67. I can’t stand people that try to make you feel worthless.
68. Nothing hurts me more than seeing my father cry.
69. I’m not ashamed of the person I am.
70. I forget to eat a lot of the time.
71. The thing that scares me about dying is how the people I love would deal with it.
72. Waking up with my boyfriend makes me feel blissfully happy.
73. I’m trying to forget the fact that hundreds of people are going to read this.
74. I don’t care if you judge me.
75. I believe in spirituality, not because I’m religious, but because I miss people that have passed away.
76. Being told my gran was proud of me was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
77. I’m not afraid to have an opinion.
78. I think about suicide at least twice a week, in detail. And it scares me.
79. I suffer from paranoia.
80. Sitting beside the motorway for even ten minutes clears my mind.
81. I’d give my life in an instant for my nieces and nephew.
82. I resent the fact that I get to breathe every second of every day, but my nephew didn’t even get to take his first breath.
83. I support the rights of unborn babies.
84. The Bucket List is the most inspirational movie I’ve ever seen.
85. I didn’t realise how close I was to my sister until she moved out.
86. I can count the people that I know I can trust with my fingers.
87. My train of thought confuses me.
88. I’m terrified of dying in a traffic accident.
89. I no longer have my tonsils.
90. I’m scared for future generations.
91. I wasn’t scared of childbirth until this year.
92. I watch TV when I need to clear my mind.
93. I’m overwhelmed that people actually listen to the words I write.
94. I miss writing lyrics, but can’t seem to write anything worthwhile these days.
95. I miss playing a musical instrument.
96. I want to home school my kids.
97. I’m terrified of being a bad parent.
98. I’ve surprised myself with this list.
99. Kisses on the forehead automatically make me smile.
100. I’ve never loved someone the way I love my boyfriend.

So there you have it. And now instead of boring you anymore, I’m going to go. Have a great week, and don’t forget to smile.

Much love and huge hugs,
Chrisselle

Day Three – Welcome To My Silly Life

I thought this post could be a little insight into my life, and let you guys know who inspired me to become the person I am today. It’s more a list than a blog I guess, but hopefully it’ll let you guys into my mind a little more than some of the other posts I’ve put up for you guys.

These people are listed in no particular order, because each of them have had an equal impact on my life.

P!nk (Alecia Beth Moore)

Everyone knows who P!nk is, she’s a huge artist, an incredible live performer an inspiring activist and a voice for those who can’t be heard. But to me? To me she’s so much more. I don’t think there’s one P!nk song that I can’t relate to, she’s such an incredible human being, never mind artist. She inspires me by the way she carries herself and how she deals with the media, and she also inspires me through her music. She’s the reason I’m still alive, and for that I will always be thankful to her.

Jacqueline Wilson

Jacqueline Wilson is a British author, her books were the first books to ever get me interested in reading, the first books to ever have an impact on my life and the books that inspired me to become a writer. She made being unique ‘okay’ and that definitely had a huge impact on my life during my preteen and early teen years. Even to this day she still inspires me.

Beth Ditto (The Gossip)

Beth Ditto is just one of those women that as soon as you hear her voice, or read an interview with her you realize that you don’t need to be considered ‘normal’ to fit in. She’s a huge inspiration to me, both because of her music and because of the person that she is. If she’s taught me anything it’s to never be afraid to say ‘fuck you’ to people that say you won’t be able to do something.

Hammy Havoc

Hammy Havoc is an incredible young man from Liverpool, UK. If you haven’t heard of him you must have been living under a rock. Hammy’s been in my life for just over a year now, and I couldn’t imagine a day without him. He’s the person that I go to when I need someone, but not only that, he’s the person that’s always there before I need someone. He knows how I’m feeling before he even asks. He inspires me to believe in myself, and that’s something I never thought anyone would be capable of. He inspires me every day just by breathing, and I hope that he knows that. You can’t know Hammy, without loving him. And me? Yeah, I love him with every piece of me. Thank you for saving my life every day.

Lorraine Mowatt (My mother)

Yeah, I’m guessing a lot of you are surprised by that. As much as my mom and I fight, I have a huge amount of respect for her. She raised four kids by herself and held two jobs down (at the same time). She’s supported each of us, and protected us to the best of her ability. She’s strong, and I wish I was even half as strong as her at times.

My Family

Yes, my family as a whole are in inspiration to me. We’ve been through some things that would tear a family apart at the seams, but somehow we’ve managed to hold on to each other and remain a strong family unit. Yeah sure, we may piss each other off, but I know that when it comes down to it I have a huge family support network that would help me out of any situation.

My Friends

My friends are probably some of the most inspiring people I have ever met. They’re the people that put what’s bothering them to the side to help me with my problems. The people that I know will always be there to help me up if I ever fall down. And the people that make life a whole lot easier.

You

By ‘you’ I mean exactly that, you reading this, whoever you are inspire me and have a huge impact on my life simply by reading what I have to say. You let me into your life just my listening to me. So thank you, for being a huge impact on someone’s life halfway across the world.

Well, hopefully this post has let you that little bit further into my life. I’d also like to say a huge thank you to everyone that’s mentioned. And to you for reading.

Much love and many thanks,
Chrisselle

I’m Willing To Take The Risk

Hey there guys, I just thought it was time for a catch up, both a personal and professional one, as there’s a lot going on right now and I’ve not really had the time to blog, or talk to many of you guys about it, so here’s my chance.

It’s 9AM on a Tuesday morning, I’m sitting in bed talking to Hammy and listening to Adele’s new album, 21, I’m in love with this album. It is seriously incredible! And on another plus note, as I’m sitting here.. I’m completely and blissfully happy.

Now, that could be to do with the fact that I have chocolate for breakfast, or the fact that it’s ridiculously sunny outside considering it’s the 1st of March, or it could even be the fact that it’s a new month, and a new start. Either way, all I know is that nothing could dent my mood right now.

Yesterday Hammy and I went for a day out to West Kirby, I’ve been wanting to get some shots of The Wirral for a while now, and for once I’m actually proud of the shots I did get, I shall upload them later on today for you guys to have a peek at, but in the meantime you can have a look at some of them on my Facebook.

While I was writing this blog I got bad news and couldn’t find the creative spark to write with again, many apologies and here I am finally posting it ten days later!

Okay, so as you guys know I’ve been in Liverpool for the past month; I go home tomorrow, and honestly, I’m already feeling homesick for here! I wish that I could have everyone I love in the place that I love, so if you guys in Livingston ever feel the urge to move to Liverpool with me, feel free!

But yeah, on a more serious note, I honestly feel so much more like me in Liverpool for some strange reason. Maybe it’s because I’m away from home with no parents trying to tell me what to do and what not to do, or maybe it’s simply because I feel more grown up, and therefore more like the person I want to be. Maybe it’s because I’ve only got a few ties here, and no-one else really knows me. I’m not sure, maybe I just feel more like me when I’m in a town that reminds me of where I grew up and had so many happy memories.

I’ve recently been working on Don’t Lose Your Grip, as may of you know, it’s a summer project that I’m planning to do in July, involving a fashion show and a charity concert. All of the money that we raise will be going to suicide and eating disorder helplines. Both of these causes are ridiculously close to my heart, having lost a friend and a family member both to suicide. People need to realize that there is plenty of help out there, and that’s the aim of our project, to make people believe in humanity again, and to remember that we’re simply one species trying to survive. You can find Don’t Lose Your Grip on Twitter & Facebook, you can also check out a recent interview I done with Previous Magazine.

Right now though, I’m in such a hurry to pack and get ready,  and I’ve got SO much more to tell you guys, but it’ll have to wait until I’m back on Scottish soil!

Much love and many thanks!
Chrisselle.

 

Don’t Lose Your Grip

As you all know I’ve been talking about a project that I’ve been telling you all to keep your eyes peeled for. Well the time has come to let you all in on the big secret.

This summer I’m planning on doing a fashion show and charity concert along with a photo shoot, in which all designs will be done by me. All the money raised from this event will be going to suicide and eating disorder prevention helplines.

This event isn’t about fashion.. It’s not even about music. This event is about you. It’s about helping people realise that you don’t need to be skinny or ‘media perfect’ to be respected or admired. It’s about helping you guys learn to love the person you are and to remember that what the media tells us us ‘right’ actually isn’t. What’s the ‘right’ way to live? Happily.

In the world we live in today there’s so much more important things to think about than our waistlines. Who cares if the girl across the room is a dress size smaller than you? What about the girls across the world who are literally killing themselves to fit in? We need to get things into prospective and I think that this could be a huge step forward and I see it as something I can do to hopefully help some of you guys.

I’m tired of people saying “I wish I was a different person entirely.” No you don’t. If you were a different person entirely you wouldn’t mean what you mean to the people that love you. The people that love you, love you for the things you do for them, and the person that you are. Not for the things that you think are a big deal; Your looks, sexuality or even religion.

This project is about making sure people realise what a real human being is, and by that, I don’t mean what the usual media portrays real people as.

I want anyone reading this to get in touch with me if they would like to get involved. I’m currently in need of models and bands, so this is really just a short post to let you all know what’s going on and how you can get involved.

If you have any questions please don’t hesitate to tweet me @iwrestledahammy. Or if you would like even more details, feel free to email your query to  [email protected] or simply click on the ‘contact’ form above!

I’m really hoping that you guys will get involved in this, together we can make a change, let’s do it!

Much love, and many, many thanks for reading!
Chrisselle.

Candy Hearts and Toothpaste Kisses

It’s Valentine’s Day! Okay.. that really doesn’t have anything to do with this post, but still, I thought I’d just say to you all that  I hope you have a wonderful day, no matter what you’re doing and regardless of your ‘status’.

I think what this post is mainly about is.. well, me. I know that sounds pretty egomaniac like of me, but I just have some stuff on my mind that I feel I need to get out, and what better way than to thousands of people.. right? Okay, time to get serious…

Recently I’ve not really been acting or feeling like myself, I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to shake it. I hate talking about it because I feel like I just bring other people down and/or sound like I’m looking for attention, but I’m not. This post is just to warn you guys that, if I happen to snap at any of you, or seem pretty down, don’t worry about it. I’ll be back to normal in no time, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how, when I was younger I used to have it in my head that if I was out enjoying myself it meant that something bad would happen to someone that I should have been looking after. And I guess, with already being worried about my fathers health, that kind of mindset is creeping it’s way back into my mind.

I honestly just don’t know anymore, like, I don’t know if I know who I am, if that makes sense?

Y’see the completely confusing thing is, that I can be so completely happy and then one thing can make my mood change drastically, and no, I’m not claiming to be bipolar, it just scares me sometimes that’s all.

But yeah, I can be happy, so let’s talk about that shall we? I’m so content where my life is right now, but on one hand I’m terrified. Why am I terrified? Simply because I’m a teen.. it seems to come with the territory.  I wouldn’t change a thing or person in my life right now, apart from maybe me, I’d like to change some aspects of me, but not too much of them.

I know, I know, I keep talking about how you shouldn’t change.. but this is different, because I can feel myself changing without actually wanting to. So the few changes that I would want to change would be the things that have already changed without my control.

I think what I need to do, is put  myself first for a change and find out what’s making me feel so all over the place. But the question is, is do I really want to know? Or is ignorance really bliss? I guess only time will tell.

In other news, I’m tired of my Twitter and Facebook streams being full of Valentine’s Day guff. It’s a day, it’s just like yesterday and it’ll be the exact same tomorrow. If you can show someone how much you love them on Valentine’s Day, what’s stopping you from doing it every other day? Or more importantly, why aren’t you doing it every other day?

If you’re in a relationship, it’s just another date night. And if you’re single, it’s not a big deal to be single on Valentine’s Day, in fact, I think this is like my second Valentine’s Day that I’ve actually been in a relationship. It’s only a day, it’s not a big deal, and it’s not something to get upset over.

Did you know that a ridiculously high percentage of relationships and even marriages end due to a ‘bad’ Valentine’s Day?! That’s crazy. Like seriously crazy. Why would you end a relationship over something so small? Okay, I could see the point if there had been lots of little things building up and that was just the icing on the cake.. but come on! Ending a relationship purely based on the fact that you didn’t have a nice Valentine’s Day.. that’s just. I can’t even fathom how insane that is.

I don’t really have much to say, apart from; I love you all, and if I could have all of you as my Valentine’s I would! You’re all wonderful.

I have some super exciting news coming up for you guys in a few days, so keep your ears and eyes peeled and you’ll be in for a treat that a few of you may even be involved in!

Much love and thanks for reading!
Chrisselle.

You Gotta Break Free To Break The Mold

Hey guys!
This is just a quick post really, it’s about a few things, one of them is a personal update and the other is something I just want you guys to hear.

So on to my first reason for posting; Tomorrow I’m off back to Liverpool! Excited Chrisselle is excited. It feels like I’ve been gone for too long and I’m really looking forward to just geeking out with Hammy all the time. December was seriously one of the best months of my life, and it was simply because just being in Liverpool and seeing Hammy so often makes for one happy Chrisselle!

I don’t know what it is about Liverpool, And by that I mean the city itself, it just feels good being there. It’s got so many incredible memories attached to it, and because of that it will always be one of my favourite places in the whole world, just like Glasgow.

So yeah, I’m really excited about it! I’m even more excited because it’s not snowing and this time I get to relax on the journey instead of being scared of the ridiculously bad weather conditions we were experiencing the last time I was traveling down.

I know for  a fact that I’m going to get homesick again, simply because today was such a great day with family, I spent it with my mom and older sister and then popped in to see my sister-in-law, brother and nieces which was lovely. My baby niece, Isla now gives you a goodbye kiss, which is just the most adorable thing in this world. Ever!

Okay, on to the next thing.
I just wanted to tell you all how much you guys mean to me, now, I know I do it a lot, but it’s not exactly something you can get sick of hearing, is it?

You guys are so great, I was talking to Hammy the other day about how when I first started this site I thought I would get 100 hits a month at the most. But I get almost 30,000 hits a month and that just blows my mind, so I just want to thank you all for taking the time out to read my posts, you have no idea just how much it means to me!

I honestly have no clue what else to say!

You are all beautiful, and I never want any of you to forget it. You touch my life just by reading a single blog of mine, so if you ever feel like you’re nothing special remember that just by reading this you’re making my life, just like you make everyone elses!

Right now I should stop procrastinating and go bathe and wash my hair, which is now red by the way!

So I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday and you  shall be hearing from me shortly!
All my love, a newly redheaded Chrisselle! ↓

Too Many Thoughts And Not Enough Reasons To Sleep

I’m on Tumblr just now, and although Hammy will probably hate me for mentioning the T word on my site; I was going to post this there, as it’s a personal entry.. I guess it’s more like a diary kind of entry that I highly doubt any of you will be that interested in. But, it’s something that needs to be said before I get all soppy and just start tweeting lyrics.

I’m tired of girls hating on guys, I’m tired of teenagers thinking that because they’re not in love at this very moment, they’re going to be ‘Forever Alone’. I know that with it being February and all, that everyone that’s single is dreading Valentine’s Day, but can I just say something? I’m completely and utterly in love, and I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day either.. It’s such a pointless holiday that’s just been made into a day for stores to make extra cash. If you love someone, you don’t need a certain day to show them; Make it spontaneous, on a day that they’ll least expect it. Pick them up from work and make them dinner, write them a letter about how you feel about them, or simply spend the day with them. When you really love someone gifts and cards are just added extras. So what would I rather do? I’d rather spend all day cuddled up watching movies I’ve seen a hundred times over than be whisked off to some romantic restaurant only to have the date ruined by that couple in the corner that are more interested in eating each others face than what’s on the plate in front of them.

I have someone in my life that makes me feel like I can do anything I put my mind to, they’ve made me believe in myself, and that’s the most important thing a partner can do for you. He tells me I’m beautiful even if I’m being lame and crying for no reason, he texts me as soon as he leaves, just to tell me how much of a good time he had spending the day with me. He teaches me new things, reminds me of things I’d forgotten. If I have a reason to frown, he’ll argue with me until I’m smiling. He’ll make me laugh until my tummy hurts, and tickle me until I stop pretending to be mad at him.

This time last year however, I never thought that that would happen, you see I’ve never been one for relationships, and I never believe that there was one person for everyone. I assumed you had to find love and that it couldn’t possibly find you. But I was wrong, because this love came into my life completely at random, and I’m glad that it did, because it saved it.

I’m tired of the teenagers that think that relationships are the main point in life, they’re not. They’re a part of the beauty in life, but at the end of the day, the person you’re meant to be happy with will come along when you least expect it. Don’t dwell on the fact that you’re single, just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you’re alone. It means that you’re waiting for the right person. Look around you; Believe it or not, the people that are in your life love you. And okay, it may be a different kind of love, but at the end of the day love is love, no matter how it is shown. So instead of complaining about being alone on Valentine’s Day why not get together with a bunch of friends and have a nice time; It’s not an official holiday, it’s simply a day to celebrate love, so go on, celebrate the love you do have in your life instead of complaining about the fact that you don’t have the love that you want.

And yes, this may be seen as a completely biased point of view given that I’m in a relationship; But at the end of the day, I’m still human and I still know what it feels like to feel alone. But you’re never alone, there’s always someone looking out for you.

Much love and thank you for reading my random 3AM ramblings!

Chrisselle.