Happiness Is The Road

It’s less than a month until my twentieth birthday, and throughout my (almost) twenty years I’ve met some incredible people who have completely changed my life.

I remember when I was a kid, after a birthday party my mom and dad would sit me down with some paper and help me write thank you letters to the people that had given me birthday gifts, and this has given me an idea; for the next month I’m going to write thank you letters to some of the incredible people I’ve met, these may be posted daily or weekly, I’m not sure. But all I know is that it’s something I feel that I need to do.

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Politics, Poverty and Petrol Bombs

I’m sure you’re all aware of the recent events that have been going on in the UK. The past week of pure criminal behaviour that has been known to everyone as ‘riots’ has shocked and disgusted not only us here in the UK but also everyone else around the world. And although I may not hail from any of the cities affected by said riots, it still breaks my heart to see my country in such a state of self-destruct.

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Shiny Happy People

Hey guys! I realise that it’s been forever since I last updated you all, and for those that are interested a proper update will be coming in the next few days! But for now, I think that I’m just going to spread some positivity by following the #50thingsilove trending topic on Twitter, and converting my fifty things into a blog post. I hope you guys enjoy it, and can maybe even relate to a few of them!

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I’m Still Learning

Well, like my last blog said; life has changed a hell of a lot the past few years, and it just doesn’t stop there. It just keeps changing, sometimes for the good, and just like most things; sometimes for the bad.

Could I have life any other way? Not at all. I used to be terrified of change, but now I embrace it. I guess you could put that down to simply growing up, but you could also put it down to the fact that every good change I’ve had in my life has taught me something new and exciting, just like every bad change has been a lesson learned.

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Show Your Scars, That’s Who You Are

Everytime I walk past a fashion store, or open a fashion magazine.. I’m bored. And I’m not just talking about because it’s the same models, the same poses, I’m bored because every thing that is shown in these stores or magazines is being worn by every other single person walking around that very store or buying that very magazine. When did humans start relying on a piece of paper or a piece of plastic molded into a mannequin to tell them how to dress?

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Day 5 – A Kiss With A Fist

Hey there guys! I noticed that #100FactsAboutMe is trending on Twitter so I thought that instead of bombarding my followers with 100 boring tweets I would incorporate it into Day Five of Thirty Days Of Blogs, aren’t you guys lucky! /sarcasm. But first, I’m going to tell you guys about my eventful, yet uneventful weekend.

So on Saturday, I decided that I was going to have a day off. Now, that may seem ridiculous to you guys considering I work at home and don’t actually physically do much apart from check on my dad a few times a week and spend time with loved ones or run errands. But trust me.. organizing a fundraiser and dealing with personal things as well as working on some other projects generates enough stress to leave you psychologically drained enough to feel like you’ve ran a 5K marathon every day of the week! The relaxing day didn’t go exactly to plan I ended up getting bored and working on some designs for DLYG and doing some other things too.

On Saturday night, though, I went out with some friends who I’ve not seen in too long. And all in all it was an enjoyable evening, having not seen these guys in what had felt like years it was nice just to have a conversation with them and a hug at the end of the night. The cocktails and Morgans Spiced was just a bonus! And it was a chance for me to wear my white dress that I love so much. It was a nice night, and it was a nice reminder that I always have friends I can count on.

 

The ‘white dress’ in question!

 

 

So now that I‘ve told you about my weekend, it‘s on to the 100 Facts About Me, I‘m warning you now, it‘s not pretty. And it‘ll probably take you forever to read. But if you want to know me, and I mean really know me. Then you should probably read these.

100 (probably boring) facts about me.

1. It takes me longer to trust someone than it does to forget someone.
2. I’m nowhere near close to being completely happy with myself.
3. I block people out, not because I’m scared to let them in, but because I hate admitting I need help.
4. I put other people’s happiness before my own.
5. I’m not afraid to be honest about myself until people ask more questions.
6. I don’t like being controlled.
7. I won’t let someone talk down to me.
8. If you hurt me once, chances are I’ll never forget it.
9. I remember insults longer than I do compliments.
10. The only material things that mean something to me are photos.
11. I don’t like money because it brings out the worst in people.
12. “I‘m disappointed in you” hurts me more than “I hate you”
13. Very few people know my weaknesses.
14. I hate depending on anyone.
15. I get bored when someone goes on and on about the same thing constantly.
16. If you break my trust once, I’ll never trust you completely again.
17. I hold grudges, although I wish I didn’t.
18. I hate stereotypes.
19. I miss the innocence of being a kid.
20. Stress makes me feel self-destructive.
21. My big sister, Fiona, is the only person that knows everything I’ve been through.
22. I used to drink myself stupid every weekend until January ’10.
23. I hate that I can tell you the alcohol content on a ridiculous amount of beverages.
24. I wish I didn’t know what a hangover felt like.
25. I’m terrified of vomiting, because I’m not in control of my body.
26. I’ve tried to commit suicide.
27. I broke a promise to myself last year. The promise was to never cut again. I cut once.
28. I don’t know how to deal with my anger.
29. If you screw me over, you’ll lose any respect I had for you.
30. Bitchy comments do nothing but annoy me.
31. If you don’t like me, I’d rather you told me.
32. I hate feeling like I’m ‘tolerated’.
33. In my eyes, I’m nothing special. Even though I get told that I’m ‘stuck up’ a lot.
34. Knowing that people get help from my blogs makes me feel like I’m doing something worthwhile.
35. I’m still learning how to live.
36. I don’t consider myself to be ‘strong’.
37. I used to stop breathing in my sleep.
38. I hate the feeling of fainting, again because I’m not in control.
39. I suffer from OCD and insomnia as well as depression.
40. I’m not ashamed of suffering from any of the above.
41. I’d rather bottle things up than bring people down, although I know it’s not healthy.
42. I never take my own advice.
43. I don’t know where I want to be next month, but I know where I want to be in ten years.
44. I need to be able to look forward to something.
45. I plan things months in advance, but somehow I still manage to be rushing at the last minute.
46. I’m trying really hard to make this about me, and not about how much people mean to me.
47. I find listing things about myself hard, and have no idea how I’m going to get to 100 facts.
48. I feel like a burden to almost everyone I know.
49. I well up at the mere mention of my grandmother.
50. If you insult the memory of my grandmother in anyway, chances are you’ll lose my respect.
51. I never knew my fathers parents.
52. I miss being seventeen. Simply because I felt like I was living without a care in the world.
53. I’m proud of being Scottish, but I’m not patriotic. I know my country has flaws; Everywhere does.
54. I like when someone asks how I’m feeling, and it feels like they actually care about the reply.
55. I fight more with my mom than any other family member, but I would still give my life for her.
56. I’m terrified of my dad dying.
57. I don’t know one person that will know every fact on this list.
58. I’ve not accepted the fact that Lacey is dead yet, it doesn’t feel real to me.
59. I hate the fact that I eat meat, yet I’ve failed more times than I can count at being a vegetarian.
60. I can’t walk past a homeless person without giving them money.
61. I miss talking to @carleyvanessa about everything, and not being ashamed of breaking down.
62. I miss high school. Not just the people, but I miss learning so much in a day.
63. Modern studies, art and English were my favourite subjects at school.
64. I hate my body, but I refuse to feel inferior to someone who loves theirs.
65. I’m more complicated than you first think.
66. My temper scares me.
67. I can’t stand people that try to make you feel worthless.
68. Nothing hurts me more than seeing my father cry.
69. I’m not ashamed of the person I am.
70. I forget to eat a lot of the time.
71. The thing that scares me about dying is how the people I love would deal with it.
72. Waking up with my boyfriend makes me feel blissfully happy.
73. I’m trying to forget the fact that hundreds of people are going to read this.
74. I don’t care if you judge me.
75. I believe in spirituality, not because I’m religious, but because I miss people that have passed away.
76. Being told my gran was proud of me was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.
77. I’m not afraid to have an opinion.
78. I think about suicide at least twice a week, in detail. And it scares me.
79. I suffer from paranoia.
80. Sitting beside the motorway for even ten minutes clears my mind.
81. I’d give my life in an instant for my nieces and nephew.
82. I resent the fact that I get to breathe every second of every day, but my nephew didn’t even get to take his first breath.
83. I support the rights of unborn babies.
84. The Bucket List is the most inspirational movie I’ve ever seen.
85. I didn’t realise how close I was to my sister until she moved out.
86. I can count the people that I know I can trust with my fingers.
87. My train of thought confuses me.
88. I’m terrified of dying in a traffic accident.
89. I no longer have my tonsils.
90. I’m scared for future generations.
91. I wasn’t scared of childbirth until this year.
92. I watch TV when I need to clear my mind.
93. I’m overwhelmed that people actually listen to the words I write.
94. I miss writing lyrics, but can’t seem to write anything worthwhile these days.
95. I miss playing a musical instrument.
96. I want to home school my kids.
97. I’m terrified of being a bad parent.
98. I’ve surprised myself with this list.
99. Kisses on the forehead automatically make me smile.
100. I’ve never loved someone the way I love my boyfriend.

So there you have it. And now instead of boring you anymore, I’m going to go. Have a great week, and don’t forget to smile.

Much love and huge hugs,
Chrisselle

Candy Hearts and Toothpaste Kisses

It’s Valentine’s Day! Okay.. that really doesn’t have anything to do with this post, but still, I thought I’d just say to you all that  I hope you have a wonderful day, no matter what you’re doing and regardless of your ‘status’.

I think what this post is mainly about is.. well, me. I know that sounds pretty egomaniac like of me, but I just have some stuff on my mind that I feel I need to get out, and what better way than to thousands of people.. right? Okay, time to get serious…

Recently I’ve not really been acting or feeling like myself, I don’t know what it is, and I don’t know how to shake it. I hate talking about it because I feel like I just bring other people down and/or sound like I’m looking for attention, but I’m not. This post is just to warn you guys that, if I happen to snap at any of you, or seem pretty down, don’t worry about it. I’ll be back to normal in no time, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about how, when I was younger I used to have it in my head that if I was out enjoying myself it meant that something bad would happen to someone that I should have been looking after. And I guess, with already being worried about my fathers health, that kind of mindset is creeping it’s way back into my mind.

I honestly just don’t know anymore, like, I don’t know if I know who I am, if that makes sense?

Y’see the completely confusing thing is, that I can be so completely happy and then one thing can make my mood change drastically, and no, I’m not claiming to be bipolar, it just scares me sometimes that’s all.

But yeah, I can be happy, so let’s talk about that shall we? I’m so content where my life is right now, but on one hand I’m terrified. Why am I terrified? Simply because I’m a teen.. it seems to come with the territory.  I wouldn’t change a thing or person in my life right now, apart from maybe me, I’d like to change some aspects of me, but not too much of them.

I know, I know, I keep talking about how you shouldn’t change.. but this is different, because I can feel myself changing without actually wanting to. So the few changes that I would want to change would be the things that have already changed without my control.

I think what I need to do, is put  myself first for a change and find out what’s making me feel so all over the place. But the question is, is do I really want to know? Or is ignorance really bliss? I guess only time will tell.

In other news, I’m tired of my Twitter and Facebook streams being full of Valentine’s Day guff. It’s a day, it’s just like yesterday and it’ll be the exact same tomorrow. If you can show someone how much you love them on Valentine’s Day, what’s stopping you from doing it every other day? Or more importantly, why aren’t you doing it every other day?

If you’re in a relationship, it’s just another date night. And if you’re single, it’s not a big deal to be single on Valentine’s Day, in fact, I think this is like my second Valentine’s Day that I’ve actually been in a relationship. It’s only a day, it’s not a big deal, and it’s not something to get upset over.

Did you know that a ridiculously high percentage of relationships and even marriages end due to a ‘bad’ Valentine’s Day?! That’s crazy. Like seriously crazy. Why would you end a relationship over something so small? Okay, I could see the point if there had been lots of little things building up and that was just the icing on the cake.. but come on! Ending a relationship purely based on the fact that you didn’t have a nice Valentine’s Day.. that’s just. I can’t even fathom how insane that is.

I don’t really have much to say, apart from; I love you all, and if I could have all of you as my Valentine’s I would! You’re all wonderful.

I have some super exciting news coming up for you guys in a few days, so keep your ears and eyes peeled and you’ll be in for a treat that a few of you may even be involved in!

Much love and thanks for reading!
Chrisselle.

You Gotta Break Free To Break The Mold

Hey guys!
This is just a quick post really, it’s about a few things, one of them is a personal update and the other is something I just want you guys to hear.

So on to my first reason for posting; Tomorrow I’m off back to Liverpool! Excited Chrisselle is excited. It feels like I’ve been gone for too long and I’m really looking forward to just geeking out with Hammy all the time. December was seriously one of the best months of my life, and it was simply because just being in Liverpool and seeing Hammy so often makes for one happy Chrisselle!

I don’t know what it is about Liverpool, And by that I mean the city itself, it just feels good being there. It’s got so many incredible memories attached to it, and because of that it will always be one of my favourite places in the whole world, just like Glasgow.

So yeah, I’m really excited about it! I’m even more excited because it’s not snowing and this time I get to relax on the journey instead of being scared of the ridiculously bad weather conditions we were experiencing the last time I was traveling down.

I know for  a fact that I’m going to get homesick again, simply because today was such a great day with family, I spent it with my mom and older sister and then popped in to see my sister-in-law, brother and nieces which was lovely. My baby niece, Isla now gives you a goodbye kiss, which is just the most adorable thing in this world. Ever!

Okay, on to the next thing.
I just wanted to tell you all how much you guys mean to me, now, I know I do it a lot, but it’s not exactly something you can get sick of hearing, is it?

You guys are so great, I was talking to Hammy the other day about how when I first started this site I thought I would get 100 hits a month at the most. But I get almost 30,000 hits a month and that just blows my mind, so I just want to thank you all for taking the time out to read my posts, you have no idea just how much it means to me!

I honestly have no clue what else to say!

You are all beautiful, and I never want any of you to forget it. You touch my life just by reading a single blog of mine, so if you ever feel like you’re nothing special remember that just by reading this you’re making my life, just like you make everyone elses!

Right now I should stop procrastinating and go bathe and wash my hair, which is now red by the way!

So I hope you all have a beautiful Thursday and you  shall be hearing from me shortly!
All my love, a newly redheaded Chrisselle! ↓

Too Many Thoughts And Not Enough Reasons To Sleep

I’m on Tumblr just now, and although Hammy will probably hate me for mentioning the T word on my site; I was going to post this there, as it’s a personal entry.. I guess it’s more like a diary kind of entry that I highly doubt any of you will be that interested in. But, it’s something that needs to be said before I get all soppy and just start tweeting lyrics.

I’m tired of girls hating on guys, I’m tired of teenagers thinking that because they’re not in love at this very moment, they’re going to be ‘Forever Alone’. I know that with it being February and all, that everyone that’s single is dreading Valentine’s Day, but can I just say something? I’m completely and utterly in love, and I’m not a fan of Valentine’s Day either.. It’s such a pointless holiday that’s just been made into a day for stores to make extra cash. If you love someone, you don’t need a certain day to show them; Make it spontaneous, on a day that they’ll least expect it. Pick them up from work and make them dinner, write them a letter about how you feel about them, or simply spend the day with them. When you really love someone gifts and cards are just added extras. So what would I rather do? I’d rather spend all day cuddled up watching movies I’ve seen a hundred times over than be whisked off to some romantic restaurant only to have the date ruined by that couple in the corner that are more interested in eating each others face than what’s on the plate in front of them.

I have someone in my life that makes me feel like I can do anything I put my mind to, they’ve made me believe in myself, and that’s the most important thing a partner can do for you. He tells me I’m beautiful even if I’m being lame and crying for no reason, he texts me as soon as he leaves, just to tell me how much of a good time he had spending the day with me. He teaches me new things, reminds me of things I’d forgotten. If I have a reason to frown, he’ll argue with me until I’m smiling. He’ll make me laugh until my tummy hurts, and tickle me until I stop pretending to be mad at him.

This time last year however, I never thought that that would happen, you see I’ve never been one for relationships, and I never believe that there was one person for everyone. I assumed you had to find love and that it couldn’t possibly find you. But I was wrong, because this love came into my life completely at random, and I’m glad that it did, because it saved it.

I’m tired of the teenagers that think that relationships are the main point in life, they’re not. They’re a part of the beauty in life, but at the end of the day, the person you’re meant to be happy with will come along when you least expect it. Don’t dwell on the fact that you’re single, just because you’re single doesn’t mean that you’re alone. It means that you’re waiting for the right person. Look around you; Believe it or not, the people that are in your life love you. And okay, it may be a different kind of love, but at the end of the day love is love, no matter how it is shown. So instead of complaining about being alone on Valentine’s Day why not get together with a bunch of friends and have a nice time; It’s not an official holiday, it’s simply a day to celebrate love, so go on, celebrate the love you do have in your life instead of complaining about the fact that you don’t have the love that you want.

And yes, this may be seen as a completely biased point of view given that I’m in a relationship; But at the end of the day, I’m still human and I still know what it feels like to feel alone. But you’re never alone, there’s always someone looking out for you.

Much love and thank you for reading my random 3AM ramblings!

Chrisselle.